


New Beginning

by nobodyneedstoknow



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Cutting, Drug-Induced Sex, F/M, Foster Care, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Child Abuse, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-09-09 06:56:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8880289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobodyneedstoknow/pseuds/nobodyneedstoknow
Summary: An AU loosely based on the Foster Dad Lin AU. Lin and Vanessa take in a foster child--a sixteen year old girl. Although Hamilton is about to start on Broadway and their hands are full with their young son, they're certain they can handle it. Okay maybe like... 70% certain.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Foster Dad Lin Collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6616012) by [ohNooOOOOoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohNooOOOOoo/pseuds/ohNooOOOOoo). 



> Holy shit you clicked on this? Wow... thanks. Like honestly, thanks. Even if you don't actually read it. But if you do read it, you should know...  
> Disclaimer: I don't know Lin or any of his family or friends.

A million thoughts preoccupied the mind of Lin-Manuel Miranda all at once. His second musical was due to start Broadway previews in the coming months, he had an infant son at home, and any second now there would be—

A sudden knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. He stood up, wiping the sweat off his hands. He briefly glanced back at his wife, Vanessa Nadal, holding their seven-month-old son, Sebastian, and took a breath before turning to open the front door.

Claudia was a smaller, slightly older Spanish woman, shorter than both Lin and Vanessa. She seemed in rather good spirits as she stepped into their apartment that afternoon despite having been in social work for several years.

As they settled into the living room, Claudia pulled a thick file from her bag, handing it to Vanessa.

“I know you requested a physical copy of her file,” Claudia explained.

“First thing they teach you in law school,” Vanessa opened the file, both her and Lin glancing at the first page. “Get everything in writing.”

There was a photo of a young girl with caramel-colored skin and curly black hair in the photo.

“ _Esta es_ Alexa.” Claudia introduced the girl from the picture to the two parents sitting across from her. “I’ll be bringing her to you next week.”

“How old is she?” Lin asked, his eyes not leaving the page.

“Fifteen years old. She just came to us from Alabama last month.”

The couple glanced at one another, a slightly uncomfortable look on their faces at the mention of the southern state.

“She’s not _from_ Alabama, is she?” Vanessa questioned cautiously.

Both Lin and Claudia both looked at her curiously, waiting for an explanation.

“There’s just a lot of questionable confederate morals down there. Easily the shortest vacation my family and I ever had. We got there, turned around and went back home.”

“She was moved to the state after being placed in the foster care system. She’s originally from Florida, and her parents placed her into the system when she was four.”

“Who places a four-year-old in the system unprovoked?” Vanessa sighed, glancing back at the photo. “She seems like such a sweet girl.”

“Possibly at one time.” Claudia corrected, watch as the look on each parent’s face changed.

“She’s had a rough time in the system. She’s been in seven previous foster homes. She was pulled from a home at age six after they found evidence of harsh sexual abuse. They sent her back to an orphanage and pulled her from three houses for bouts of neglect and malnutrition at age seven, eight, and nine. They pulled her from another place for evidence of physical abuse at age eleven. Again at twelve, and again at thirteen when they sent her to the home of a foster family that was…” she paused. “Well, they weren’t a good fit. There was evidence of racial tension.”

Lin’s eyes widened at that detail, his face frozen with concern.

“Is… is she okay? Like, did they hurt her?”

“There was an incident. I’ll get to that.” Claudia added, continuing down the list. “That incident required a lot of recovery time. She spent a while in the orphanage, and over time they made the decision to relocate her. She was moved to New York in May. She’s been here ever since.”

The two remained silent, flipping to the next page in the file only to find yet another long, dreadful list.

“She’s been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and has a long list of things that can trigger anxiety attacks. But other than that, she’s relatively easy to handle. We’ve only had her for three weeks, but it’s safe to say she spends most of her time tucked away with a book or writing in a journal. She’s quiet and usually reserved. The only time she’s been in bad shape is when we had her do a psychiatric evaluation… talking about her past brings up a lot of anxiety for her.”

“With good reason.” They both said at the same time.

“I think you’ll be great for her,” Claudia admitted. “You’re a young family, and you seem like understanding, caring people. Alexa really needs that. It might take a while for her to open up to you, but when she does, I think it’ll really make a difference.”

Vanessa sat up, tossing the file on the coffee table in front of her. “Is it normal to feel nervous at this stage?”

Lin took her hand, lacing their fingers together as a comforting gesture.

“It’s absolutely normal,” Claudia confirmed. “It’s not going to be easy, but as long as you stick together, I’m confident you both can bring out the best in her.”  
Claudia pulled out a file of her own out of her bag, skipping through a few pages.

“You’re both still employed, correct?” she confirmed, a nod from each parent. “Lin, I know when we came by at the end of last year to examine your place, you mentioned being in rehearsal for a production of…” her voice trailed off.

“Hamilton.” he finished for her. “Yeah, we’re doing seven shows a week at the Public Theatre now, and we’re set to start Broadway previews at the beginning of next month.”

“Great.” she quickly wrote something down. “Vanessa, you’re still—”

“A litigation associate.” Vanessa confirmed.

“Right. Oh, before I forget—” she paused again, flipping through her own file. “Check the end of her file, she has a pretty serious medical condition.”

They turned to the end, finding a booklet entitled _Common Variable Immune Deficiency_.

“I don’t suppose either of you has a background in medicine.” she asked, receiving only concerned looks in response.

“She’s been diagnosed for a little less than a year now. She needs bi-weekly infusions of this medicine that comes from a specialty pharmacy in California. There’s a business card in there for her rep, you have to call her and let her know you’re Alexa’s foster parents so that she can check in with you and make sure the medicine and equipment are delivered on time every month.”

“This is a lot of information—” Lin started, cut off by Claudia.

“There booklet tells you everything you need to know about the disease and her treatment. She knows how to do it herself, you shouldn’t need to help her.”

Lin and Vanessa struggled to remain calm glancing at the pages and pages of research dedicated to her disease. It seemed like more than they could handle.

“Is there anything else?” Vanessa asked cautiously.

“Oh yes!” Claudia offered a small smile to the obviously stressed out couple. “She’s a wonderful student.”


	2. To Welcome You Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexa finally makes her way to the Miranda household. They're uber-kind. She's not exactly used to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a sec to thank you all for your kudos! I'm so glad people are enjoying it! I read a comment that asked if Alexa is supposed to be trans A.Ham.--sorry to disappoint but that is not the case. I literally just wanted to play with the idea of Lin and his wife having a teenage daughter and then twenty chapters happened. The name is a coincidence I debated for a while. But hey, I'm not your boss. You can interpret this however you want. I'm powerless to stop your wild imagination.  
> Disclaimer: I don't know Lin, nor do I know any of his family or friends.
> 
> POST EDIT: I wanted to make this story more about Alexa's perspective than Lin's. I added and redacted a few things, but there are no major differences.

The date, June 23rd, was Alexa Jordan’s birthday. Her sixteenth, to be exact.

It was another summer day in New York City and another day in that ridiculous group foster home. The best group home she’d been in by far, but the standard was low given her history.

It was also the day she was due to be relocated to a new family. As she sat up in her bed, she could already hear the sounds of other foster kids fighting about bathroom space. She sucked in a breath, the last person in bed at that point, preparing to dodge fists as per usual morning routine.

 

It was breakfast time downstairs in the living room, an array of unflavored cereals and skim milk, as per usual. Alexa wasn’t exactly the healthiest weight—years of neglect and starvation had largely affected her—but that didn’t stop her from skipping the meal as per usual.

Breakfast was quickly followed by time in the living room, where some fought over the tv channel and others resorted to sitting out on the front steps with the front door open, letting out the air conditioning and keeping the house uncomfortably warm.

It was a mess. A mess with little to no supervision.

Rather than participate in the chaos, she opted to sit at the dining room table, pull out a book and begin reading. It was a book she had swiped from a tiny store back in her previous state of residence, Alabama. Not exactly worth feeling guilty over, seeing as she never had money to spend. Reading usually got others to leave her alone and kept her out of trouble. A calm before she was shipped off to the next family eager to abuse her, no doubt.

An older Latina woman, a social worker, stepped through the open front door and into the living room in search of the head of household—their foster mother.

Alexa pushed a string of curls out of her face, the jet black hair resting comfortably behind her ear as her eyes remained fixated on the book. Suddenly, the copy was pulled from her grasp by another much larger girl who wasted no time ripping the first few pages out.

“What the fuck!” Alexa stood up, reaching for the book to no avail. “That’s mine!”

“Oh yeah?” The girl pulled another chunk of pages out, this one larger than the last before tossing the handful aside. “Go get it.”

Again, Alexa made another attempt at grabbing the book back. To no avail, however, as she was shoved to the ground in that pursuit.

“Heard you’re leaving today.” The same girl stated. “I think we owe you a going away present.”

Two other girls approached began to gang up on her, kicking and shoving to no avail. She felt a solid kick to her face that prompted a ringing in her ear that wouldn’t let up. The skin near her eye began to swell.

Another few solid kicks to the ribs took the breath out of her. The other residents stepped in at this point, pulling most of the larger girls off of her as the social worker and the foster mother approached.

“Are you okay?” Claudia asked, helping her up off the ground.

“I’m…” she paused, wincing at the sensation of her now heavily bruised ribs. “I’m fine. Let’s get out of here.”

After they had been assured by the doctor at a nearby clinic that nothing was seriously broken or injured, it was a lengthy cab ride uptown to Washington Heights. Claudia sat beside her in the back. She was silent the whole ride, dreading what was to come.

When they finally arrived at the address, Alexa was still silent. She could hear the hunger pains erupting from her stomach but said nothing.

Her usual duffle bag full of belongings was a struggle to carry this time, a product of the morning’s debacle.

“Are you hungry?” the older woman asked, hearing her stomach rumbling while they were in the elevator.

“Why do you care? In thirty seconds, whatever happens to me is no longer your responsibility.” she swiftly responded, not making eye contact.

“I’ll be stopping by a lot over the next year to make sure you’re okay,” Claudia reassured her. “Alexa, for what it’s worth, I really think this family will be good for you. They seem really promising.”

The teen rolled her eyes, glancing up at the display screen to see they were nearing the eighth floor. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.”

As they approached the apartment door, there was one last sympathetic look from the social worker before she knocked on the door.

The door slowly opened to reveal a very nervous looking man in his mid-thirties. Alexa was just out of view, glancing at the man with a heightened sense of skepticism.

“Lin-Manuel,” Claudia offered a hand to the man at the door. “So nice to see you again.”

“Yeah, you too.” He offered his best smile, shaking her hand. There was a brief pause.

“Uh, I should warn you, she’s not having the best day.” Claudia nudged the teen into view from behind her, edging her forward into the apartment. There was a gasp from a group of people in the living room as they took in the first sight of her.

Her face was heavily bruised, her left eye swollen shut. She’d opted for a sweatshirt and jeans even in the brutal New York heat to hide most of the damage.

“This is Alexa,” Claudia announced, half-heartedly.

Alexa glanced at the small group, immediately turned off. She scoffed just loud enough for everyone to hear.

“ _Mija_ , what happened to your face?” An older woman asked, prompting the question everyone had on their mind.

“There was an incident at the—” Claudia started, quickly cut off by Alexa.

“I was making friends with the other girls at the orphanage.” she confirmed, holding up the hardcover of _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy _, the spine completely empty and missing its pages.__

__There was a stunned silence in the room as the teen glanced back at Claudia.  
“Why are there so many people?”_ _

__“They’re here to welcome you into their home.” She smiled, hoping her words would encourage the younger girl to do the same. They did not._ _

__“My parents don’t live with us, they just came to meet you,” Lin confirmed. “Otherwise it’s just me, Vanessa and our son Sebastian.”_ _

__“You have another kid?” she asked, unamused._ _

__Vanessa, the younger of the two women, smiled from the couch, where she was carefully cradling her son. “Yes, he’s thirty-two weeks.”_ _

__She rolled her eyes. “It’s seven months. Just fucking say seven months.”_ _

__The smile slowly crept from the mother’s face. Everyone else in the room shifted uncomfortably._ _

__Alexa quickly changed the subject. “Can I use your bathroom?”_ _

__“Of course. It’s around the corner, second door on the left.” Lin pointed her in the right direction. As she headed down the hallway, she overheard Claudia assure the family that she’d be back at an unannounced time to see their progress, and made her way out._ _

__-_ _

__In the bathroom, Alexa was quick to turn on the light and see the extent of her injuries. She removed her sweatshirt, a pink tank top underneath. There were bruises of varying size scattered along her arms and on her chest. She winced as she pulled her shirt up revealing the large red mark already beginning to form on the right side of her ribcage. She heard a knock on the door. Carefully pulling her shirt back down, she turned to open it._ _

__Lin’s father was quick to make his concerns known as soon Claudia had left._ _

__“Why didn’t you adopt someone younger?”_ _

__“Dad,” Lin was quick to defend their decision. “She’s just a foster child for now. No one’s adopting anyone yet.”  
“New York state requires she live with you one year before you adopt her.” his mother pointed out._ _

__“Right! Besides,” he directed toward the hallway. “We don’t even know her yet. She just came in two minutes ago.”_ _

__There was another uncomfortable pause._ _

__“You know what? I’ll check on her.” he offered, leaving the concerned party to the living room._ _

__Lin walked down the hallway and cautiously knocked on the bathroom door._ _

__Alexa opened the door, this time with her sweatshirt removed. The shock on his face in reaction to the extent of her injuries was obvious._ _

__“Oh my god, you’re in really bad shape.”_ _

__She sighed, shrugging. “To be honest, I’ve had worse days. I’m sure you’ve heard by now.”_ _

__“Stay here,” he instructed. “I’ll get you some ice—”_ _

__“Don’t.” she cut him off. “I just wanna put my stuff down.” she gestured to her duffle bag, struggling to pick it up before he took it for her, swinging it over his shoulder with ease._ _

__“I know you’ve had a rough past and you might not be taking everything I’m saying seriously, but I’m not pretending. I do genuinely care.”_ _

__“Then you shouldn’t be surprised if I tell you I’ve heard that before,” she assured him, stepping out into the hallway. “Lead the way.”_ _

__He offered her a sympathetic look, a small smile, before opening a door to another room with a neatly made queen size bed, a dresser, a wooden desk with rolling chair, and a large shelf of books._ _

__“This is your room.” He stepped aside, placing the duffel bag on top of the dresser, allowing her to walk in._ _

__She took in a breath at the sight. A bed of her own. A desk and a shelf already full of books._ _

__It was the nicest space she’d ever been offered in her lifetime._ _

__Most foster homes offered a shared room with two or three others, and she was lucky if her bed wasn’t a pile of blankets on the floor._ _

__“Do you like it?” he asked, smiling as she took in the sight._ _

__She placed her duffel bag down carefully and stepped into the center of the space. Sunlight was pouring through the window, illuminating the space._ _

__“It’s okay,” she reached out to feel the soft duvet on the bed; squeezed it, committing the feeling to memory._ _

__She attempted to pull her long black curls into a ponytail using the old rubber band on her wrist. It snapped in the process, flinging across the room. She cursed in response._ _

__“Oh, here.” Lin pulled his own hair out of its bun and handed the hair tie to her. “Keep it. I’ve got a ton.”_ _

__“No thanks.” she refused, glancing around the room again to see a large silver device sitting on the desk. She approached it, an uneasy feeling crept over her when she discovered what it was._ _

__“Is this for me?” She asked, picking up the MacBook._ _

__“Mostly for homework, but yes.” he smiled. “V and I wanted you to have the best technology so you could do your best work.”_ _

__She placed it back on the desk hesitantly, shaken with dread. It was undoubtedly too good to be true._ _

__“Since Claudia mentioned you liked writing, it might be great to—”_ _

__“I don’t like writing.” she immediately shut him down._ _

__“But your file said—” he tried._ _

__“I’m not a writer.” she shot back. “Writing is stupid and an unrealistic career choice.” She recited the line in a robotic tone, having had it committed to memory for years._ _

__“I’m a writer, you know.”_ _

__“Oh, so Vanessa pays the bills then. Doctor or lawyer?”_ _

__“That… that’s not—” Lin sighed. “Lawyer.” he finally said._ _

__Alexa smirked. “So she pays the bills.”_ _

__He shook his head. “That’s an awfully presumptuous way of thinking.”_ _

__“Well everyone knows there’s no money in pursuing the arts.”_ _

__“Who told you that?” he asked, reaching into the pocket of his jeans and pulling out his iPhone. It was a text from one of Hamilton’s producers, informing him that their month of previews at the Richard Rodgers theatre had completely sold out in just a few minutes._ _

__He glanced up at Alexa, who only shrugged in response._ _

__“It’s not true.”_ _

__Reaching into his other pocket, he pulled out a brand new iPhone before tossing it to her._ _

__“That’s also yours. So you can keep in touch with friends and keep in touch with us. Mine and Vanessa's numbers are already in there.”_ _

__She glanced down at the phone, unlocking it; skeptical that it actually worked. It unlocked with ease, surprising her._ _

__“Uhh, thanks. I’ve never had a smartphone before.”_ _

__“I’ll give you a second to put your stuff away.” he offered, stepping towards the door. “We’re having lunch soon, so I’ll let you know when the food is here.”_ _

__“Wait,” she stopped him, almost embarrassed to be confused by the gesture. “Like,_ at_ the table?”

She watched his face fall as he realized what she meant.

“Of _course_. You’re a part of the family now.”

-

Chinese food was a new experience for Alexa. She’d never had it before.

Observing the noodles hanging off of her fork, it was hard to mask her disgust. They were greasy. Probably fried right alongside the greens mixed in.

Across the table, Vanessa was using a fork to eat her own food with one hand, while holding Sebastian close and breastfeeding him with the other.

In Alabama, public breastfeeding was frowned upon. Women were shamed for exposing themselves in front of others. Seeing it face to face, Alexa didn’t think breastfeeding seemed like a huge fucking deal. Everyone else at the table seemed oblivious to the activity, causing her to choose to remain the same.

“Are you okay?” Vanessa finally asked, noticing her expression on the other side of the table.

Lin and his parents all glanced over, concerned as well.

“Uh…” She placed her fork down. “I’m fine.”

“Do you not like it?” Lin questioned.

Their looks of obvious disappointment had her heart pounding. She’d been with them for about two hours—this was when things usually took a turn for the worst in any home she’d been in. The scars engraved in her skin from the past served as a healthy reminder.

“You look a little overwhelmed.” The older woman, Lin’s mother suggested, seeing the panic form on the teen’s face.

“I have to go.” She winced as she stood up from the table, rushing back to her room before closing and locking the door behind her.

All her emotions came flooding in at once, causing her to start to shake in the privacy of her own space.

At the table, Vanessa shot a questioning look towards her husband, who only shrugged in response.

“You need to take her to see a doctor,” Luis suggested.

“She seems rather anxious for someone who’s been in this situation several times.” she pointed out. “It wouldn’t hurt to have her see someone.”

Lin sighed, running a hand through his hair before glancing at his wife, who seemed to agree with his parents.

“I guess we need to find a good therapist.”

Inside her room, Alexa was sat on the bed, struggling to breathe. As her chest constricted, the room slowly began to spin. She curled into a fetal position, desperately trying to focus on breathing as the silence in the room became more deafening.

“I can already feel my hair graying prematurely.” Vanessa prompted a few hours later after Lin’s parents had gone home.

“V,” Lin glanced up at her from the rug in his office where he was sat beside his son who was focused on the array of plastic toys hanging above him. “Getting a teenager was _your_ idea. You said you wanted someone older and that you were ready for the struggles that came with it. So she doesn’t like Chinese food… So what? We’ll figure out what she does like.”

“Maybe there’s something about this in her file that we missed.” Vanessa dug through her bag to find Alexa’s file. “Some information that can help.”

She quickly began skimming the file aloud, sat beside Lin who was listening carefully.

“Alexa Jordon … Born June 23rd, 1999… She has _thirty_ different foster siblings.”

“The 23rd?” Lin asked, glancing at his wrist watch. “Today’s the 23rd.”

Vanessa gasped. “It’s her birthday! Oh my god, we have to do something!” She closed the file then, standing from the couch. “I’ll make a cake. Can you run out and get her a gift?”

“What do I get?” Lin questioned, reminding her that they’d known Alexa for five hours and somehow managed to learn almost nothing about her.

“ _Figure out what she does like_.” she reminded him as he made his way out. “Oh, and don’t forget candles!”

Another two hours passed, and they had set up the cake and carefully lit sixteen candles in the dining room. Sebastian had been put to bed.

Her gift was carefully tucked away for a later reveal.

Lin approached her bedroom, carefully knocking on the door.

“Alexa, can you come out for a second?”

Another swift knock on the door pulled her out of deep sleep. She’d passed out hours ago from an anxiety attack. She awoke her body still on fire from getting beat up that morning.

“Oh…” Lin paused, seeing the state she was in when she answered the door. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“What is it?” she asked, rubbing one eye.

“Can you come talk with us for a second? It’s not bad.”

Too tired and weak to put up a fight, she let him lead her into the dining room.

“Happy birthday,” Vanessa announced as she walked in.

“We’re sorry we didn’t bring it up sooner—” Lin added, moving to stand beside his wife. “but we wanted to do something special.”

Alexa glared at the candles. She could feel her heart racing. She was trembling, her balls curled into a fist.

The fire on the candles burned bright, serving its purpose as a light source in the dimly lit dining room.

“Alexa?” Vanessa spoke up though Alexa could barely hear it. “Are you okay?”

Feeling herself boil over, she grabbed the cake and threw it as hard as she could at the wall. Without missing a beat, she grabbed the dining room chair in front of her and attempt to do the same.

“Alexa, STOP!” Lin pulled the chair from her hands and held her down while she tried to fight back. She was screaming, resisting as hard as she could. He held her tightly anyway, _shh_ ing softly in her ear. Vanessa was right beside them, rubbing her back supportively.

Her energy depleted quickly as she hadn’t eaten much that day. She resolved to just sob, crying in the arms of her new foster parents.

“It’s okay,” Lin reassured her. “We aren’t mad. We just want to help.”

“I don’t need your fucking help.” she insisted in hysterics, making a weak attempt to shove them away. “I don’t need anyone. Get _off_ me!”

They slowly backed away from her.

There was a moment, a pause, a brief section of time where Lin and Vanessa could feel their hearts breaking for this girl.

“I don’t know who you think you’re fooling.” She was shaking again, hugging herself as if she was cold. “Pretend to give a laptop to the foster kid. That’s hilarious.”

The couple glanced at each other.

“We’re not pretending anything—” Vanessa tried.

“Yeah you care about me, right? That’s what they all say before they make me sleep in a closet and don’t feed me for three days.”

“Alexa, I am sorry that those things happened to you.” He met her eyes for the first time. “You didn’t deserve to be treated like that, but I don’t know what Vanessa and I did to make you think that we’re disingenuous.”

She wiped the tears falling down her cheeks. “Being my foster parents is more than enough.”

“I know you probably have a million reasons that make it hard for you to trust us,” he grabbed Vanessa’s hand. “But can you at least give us a chance? We genuinely want the best for you.”

Alexa stared at them for a moment before covering her face with her hands. She took a deep breath, ran a hand through her curls, and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.

“I’m sorry about the mess.” she finally said, wiping more tears from her cheeks. “No one’s ever really given me a cake for my birthday before.”

“It’s okay.” Lin stood up, helping her and Vanessa up as well. “We’ll… Vanessa and I will clean up and we can have whatever you want for dinner. It’s your birthday. This day is about you.”

A moment passed as she paused, taking the time to decide.

“Maybe pizza?” she asked. “Isn’t New York known for their pizza?”

“Oh absolutely. We’ll just uh…” he glanced at the state of the dining room, the cake in pieces everywhere. “We’ll clean up here and then order in.”  
With that, he and Vanessa headed in the direction of the kitchen—where most of the cleaning supplies habited—to get started.

That night, as everyone retired to their room, Alexa was crawling into bed when there was a knock on her door.  
She opened it to find an empty hallway, no one in sight. Confused, she glanced around to find something on the floor.  
It was a brand new, hardcover copy of _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. There was a blue post-it note on the top that simply read:

_Happy Birthday_

_Here’s to a new beginning._

_Lin & Vanessa_

Through the small crack in their bedroom door, Lin swore he had seen Alexa smile for the very first time. He started to close the door to their bedroom but stopped when a voice pulled him back.

“Wait,” she spoke up to pull his attention back. He looked back at her curiously.

“What… what do I call you guys?” she called out.

He paused for a moment.

“Lin is okay.” he finally said. “It makes the most sense. You can call her Vanessa or sometimes I call her V, so that’s okay too.”

“Lin and Vanessa,” Alexa repeated. “Okay.”


	3. The New Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexa is first introduced to Hamilton, in it's final preview weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay y'all! I usually try to get chapters up within 3 days of one another but the Holidays kind of pushed back that schedule. Huge thanks to all of you who've left kudos and comments! I want to give a special shout out to Redpandapenguin for your drawing of Alexa! I totally cried happy tears when I saw it.  
> Oh and before you ask, yeah it's a real twitter. (Pssst... It's run by me).  
> Disclaimer: I don't know Lin or any of his friends or family.
> 
> EDIT: Through edits, I've changed Alexa's persona a bit to be more consistently reserved. It will be a struggle for her to open up and I wanted to convey that more clearly.

The next morning, the Miranda household routine continued as usual.

Vanessa was up first, off to shower before work, Lin up shortly after to cater to Sebastian’s needs. The house was quiet.

“I left plenty of milk in the fridge for the day,” his wife announced, coffee in one hand, a case file in the other. “but maybe try something solid. We bought that really expensive baby food and haven’t used it yet.”

Lin nodded, accepting her instructions as she kissed both her husband and son goodbye.

“I’ll see you later. Text me if anything happens.” she glanced down the hallway at the closed door to Alexa’s room. “I do mean _anything_.”

“It’ll be fine,” he reassured her. “Don’t worry.” With that, he kissed her once more before nudging her towards the front door. “Have a good day at work. Go be the lawyer this city deserves.”

As the hours passed, there was still no sound from Alexa’s room. A knock at the door pulled Lin from any concerning thoughts.

A man dressed in a UPS uniform handed him a large package with his name on it, but a return address in California that he didn’t recognize.

Upon opening the package, there was a small card at the top among an array of needles, tubes, syringes and a large case of medicine.

It was Alexa’s, a month’s supply of medication to keep her immune system under control.

He cleared a shelf in the fridge, placing the case of medicine in its own space.

A quick glance at the clock on the kitchen stove revealed that it was after noon and the teenager had not left her room.

Lin figured it couldn’t hurt to knock, but when he approached the door and did just that, there was no response. Another knock, the same result. He hesitated to open it, intent on preserving her privacy, but after a third knock, the hesitation had vanished.

The room was humid, the air conditioning off despite the excruciatingly warm temperature Alexa was still asleep, curled into the fetal position with her book, open, under her arm.

From the doorway, he could see her bruises had gotten worse overnight, her skin covered in purple blotches. She was in pain, no doubt.

He headed back to the kitchen, grabbing an unopened bag of mixed vegetables from the freezer and a dish towel, before carefully placing the bag across her ribcage. She groaned, both of her eyes blinking open.

“Well at least your eye has gotten better.” he pointed out, turning the air conditioning on before sitting in the desk chair on the far side of the room. “You know it’s after noon, right?”

“It’s also summer.” she reminded him, pulling the bag and dish towel off. “This is the first time I haven’t been forced to wake up at six am in like, a year. God forbid I take advantage.”

“Leave it,” he instructed, directing to the frozen produce. “It’ll help.”

She rolled her eyes. “How would you know?” She attempted to sit up then, wincing before settling back down.

“You’re not the only one who got beat up for reading.” he admitted.

Surprised by this confession, Alexa hesitated but carefully placed the ice back over her ribcage as she slowly sat up, resting against the headboard of her bed.

“Good.” he smiled. “We’re making progress. While we’re at it, it can get really hot in here. You should probably keep the air on while you’re home.”

She could feel the beads of sweat on the back of her neck, running a hand through her hair.

“I uh,” she paused, embarrassed. “I didn’t know how to turn it on.”

“Oh,” he was taken aback by this, but quickly tried to pass it off as normal. “Yeah, they probably had central air down in Alabama. No window air conditioners in sight. He glanced around the room. “We have a remote control for this one.”

Catching sight of it on the table, he tossed it her way. “The machine itself is kind of iffy but… the remote is pretty self-explanatory.”

“Thanks, I guess.” she placed it on her bedside table.

“So… V left for work a while ago and I don’t have to leave until four… are you hungry?”

“Leave for what?” she questioned.

“I have a show tonight.” he explained. “I usually like to get there by five.”

“Y-” she paused, recalling the memories from the day before. “Aren’t you a writer?”

“Writer… actor…” he shrugged. “Sometimes it goes hand in hand.”

“You’re performing something that _you_ wrote?”

“Just a hobby of mine.” he teased, reminding her of the harsh comment she had made the day before. “So… breakfast?”

“Um,” her eyes glanced elsewhere, embarrassment on the rise. “Can I…” her voice trailed off. Though she was conditioned growing up to believe that the arts were an impractical and unreliable career path, she couldn't help but be curious about what being a successful artist looked like.

Not as if she would ever admit it.

“What’s up?” Lin asked, sensing her hesitation.

“Nothing, nevermind.” She adjusted the frozen bag slightly on her abdomen before lying back flat on the bed.

He paused for a moment, attempting to read her body language. He knew there was a chance he’d get chewed out for asking, but spoke up anyway.

“Do you want to maybe come with me?” he offered.

“I mean, if you’re forcing me.” she stated, not meeting her eyes as if doing so would force her to express emotion.

He nodded once. If that’s what it took to get her there, he could play along.

“Alright, we’ll leave in a few hours.”

-

The Public Theatre wasn’t that big, but the set of _Hamilton_ seemed to climb far from the stage anyway. Having worked on the production for about six years, Lin was brimming with pride to see it come to life. He brought Alexa to the stage a few hours before their call time to show off the revolving turntables that defined the entire show.

“Shit, that’s like, so un-ironically hip-hop.” she noted.

“I know.” Lin nodded, hardly able to contain his excitement as it matched her own. “That’s what they’re supposed to be.”

He hopped off the stage while Alexa stood in the spotlight, briefly examining the view from the stage. He watched her face light up, how her presence seemed to shine. There, at center stage, was the first time he’d seen her genuinely excited. He snapped a photo of her from behind, careful not to show her face. He wasted no time opening twitter.

_[@Lin_Manuel: Enter stage right: @VAMNit and I’s new pride and joy. Our foster daughter, Lex]_

The tweet blew up immediately, prompting Lin to turn his phone off to begin preparing for the night’s performance.

“So while you’re here, let me introduce you to the cast of this _like, so un-ironically hip-hop_ show.”

Lin brought her through the backstage area, passing by each dressing room and introducing her to each respective cast member. First Pippa, then Jonathan, Leslie, Daveed, Renee, Oak and a few female ensemble members before they reached one of the last dressing room.

He knocked briefly before opening the door.

“Hey Jas, I want you to meet— _oh_.”

They both stopped in the doorway, seeing both Jasmine and Anthony in the room, on the couch, sitting rather close to one another.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was interrupting.”

“What? No.” Jasmine pulled back, straightening out her hair.

“Nah, you’re not interrupting anything.” Anthony gave a polite smile.

It wasn’t hard to pick up that they were hiding something, and the teen noticed almost immediately. Still, she said nothing.

“Okay... well guys this is, Alexa. She’s staying with me and Vanessa. I was just introducing her to everyone.”

“Nice to meet you.” they both said at the same time.

“Hey could y’all maybe keep this on the down low?” Anthony requested, putting his arm around Jasmine. “It’s kind of early and we don’t want everyone on us about this yet.”

“I won’t say anything.” she finally said, glancing up at Lin. “It’s not my place to tell. I don’t know about him though.”

“I saw nothing.” he insisted. “Your secret is safe with me.”

When it came time for curtain, Lin had someone escort her to a seat in the middle of the third row. As the other seats started filling in, she was on her phone, watching the notes on Lin’s twitter post grow by the second. Most of them strangers, but occasionally the rare celebrity or a major news outlet would like or retweet it. She made a mental note to tell him not to ever reveal her identity on his twitter. The last thing she wanted was a slew of attention from strangers.

It’s not like she did anything to deserve it.

As the curtain raised and the music started, Alexa realized she didn’t know much about Alexander Hamilton, but as a _bastard, orphan, son of a whore_ , she found him rather relatable.

There was applause when her father stepped into the spotlight for the first time, causing her to slowly sink down into her seat.

Having a foster parent that was even kind of notable was a new experience. It wasn’t a _huge_ deal (it wasn’t as if they were on Broadway), but as the writer, composer, lyricist and star of this show that appeared to be sold out, he’d be the first parent of hers who had any results come up during a google search of their name. A result that wasn’t a criminal record.

Still, the notion that she lived with someone that might get recognized on the street made her pretty uncomfortable.

She let the thought go, settling into the production.

The audience remained engaged over the three-hour production, laughing and crying respectively. It wasn’t until the final song that emotions began to run high towards the middle of the third row.

_Company, except Eliza: The orphanage._

_Eliza: I established the first private orphanage in New York City._

_Company, except Eliza: The orphanage._

Alexa could feel her heart speed up as she heard the words for the first time. She could feel tears forming in her eyes as the song progressed, a sob eventually escaping.

At the end, the cast proceeded through their curtain call, lining up across the stage. The audience was on their feet, Alexa in tears as she stood, applauding furiously.

As she headed backstage, she made a beeline for Lin’s dressing room. He was having a conversation with the conductor for the show, when she hugged him, unannounced.

He hugged back, attempting to mask his surprise.

Alex could see how pleased his friend was. “Hey, I’ll just call you in the morning. Great job, man.”

“Yeah, you too.” Lin smiled, waving goodbye to his friend before turning his attention back to his daughter.

“Lex, are you crying?”

“I just… I wasn’t expecting that. I’m usually really good with history; I need to brush up.”

He hugged her tighter, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay to feel emotional, it’s a really emotional show.”

“I’m not emotional.” she finally said, pulling away, wiping tears from her eyes. “I just wasn’t expecting it is all.”

“You don’t have to feel ashamed for having emotions.” He reminded her.

“I’m not.” she insisted a third time. “Not emotional, I mean. I’m fine.”

“Okay…” He knew bringing it up a fourth time would probably get her more irate than upset. He decided it best to just drop the subject. “Just give me a second to get my street clothes back on and we can take a cab home.”

“Okay,” she nodded, stepping out into the hallway. She turned to closed the door but hesitated before doing so.

“Hey, Lin?”

He turned his cell phone on, glancing up at her. “What’s up?”

“Thanks for taking me. I uh… I learned a lot. About the arts,” she paused. “And Hamilton.”

He nodded, reassuring her that he knew what she was trying to say. “I hope I at least opened your mind to other possibilities.”

She could admit that the idea of being a successful artist didn’t seem as impossible having seen it being done. A fact that she thought would be best to keep to herself.

“I’ll wait for you outside.” she confirmed, closing the door behind her.

-

As the summer went on, her creative break out slowly began. She would sit in the house of the Richard Rodgers Theatre in early July with her MacBook, slaving away on pieces that Lin would only catch glimpses during their twelve-hour tech rehearsals. Happy to see her productive, he wanted to encourage her even further.

“Hey Gen,” he caught her attention one afternoon during a five-minute tech rehearsal break.  
She glanced up from her computer, giving him a confused look.

“Did you just call me _Gen_?”

“Yeah.”

“Like… _Gene Kelly_ you musical freak?” she teased.

“You—” he paused, surprised at her words. “How do you know who Gene Kelly is?”

“How would I not know?” she shot back, as if it was obvious.

“I mean…” he struggled to think of an explanation.

“I was in middle school chorus.” she explained. “My teacher liked playing older movie musicals on slower days. She was a big _Singing in the Rain_ fan. We think she had a thing for Gene Kelly.”

“Oh.” He shrugged. “I mean it’s one of my favorite movie musicals, so I get it.”

“So Gen doesn’t mean Gene Kelly?” she confirmed.

“It’s short for genius,” he explained, sitting in the chair beside her. He glanced at the screen, eagerly following the words on the page. “What are you working on?”

She slapped the computer shut then. “It’s not ready yet.”

“You know, I would show my early work to family and friends all the time. It’s a great way to get feedback. It’s how _Hamilton_ came to be.”

She sighed, her hands covering her face. “It’s not worth the attention.”

“Part of being an artist is being confident in your work.” he pointed out. “If you don’t think it’s worth the attention, it’s going to show.”

She shrugged, staring down at her closed laptop. “I don’t know.”

“How about this?” he offered. “You show me some of your work, I’ll show you some of my work. Unfinished, just like yours. You’d be surprised how long the writing process takes before it makes it to Broadway.”

“Or, you could see something I wrote and let me go to opening night,” she suggested, smiling. “I know you guys set a date for the first week of August, and I—”

“Lex,” he started, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not?” her smile had faded completely, she was obviously upset with him.

“Listen, you’re free to see the show to any day after that, I just don’t think opening night is the best idea.”

“But _why_? You’re always saying you want to expose me to the arts more—”

“Yeah, by taking you to the Met, not opening night.”

Alexa didn’t respond, only glared at him.

“There’s going to be a lot of celebrities and cameras there and I’m not sure we’re ready to have you put in the spotlight like that.”

“I can avoid cameras.” she insisted. “I do it all the time.”

“Not to mention, during the after party, it’s just going to be you in a sea of drunk adults.”

“So?”

“So that’s not the best place for a sixteen-year old to be.”

She sighed, crossing her arms. “I’ve been around way too many drunk adults to be upset by them at this point.”

“V and I were going to hire a sitter that night.” he informed her.

“I’m sixteen, I don’t need a sitter.”

Lin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Lex I don’t feel comfortable with you being there. You can stay home with Sebastian and the sitter. I’m sorry, but that’s my only offer.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll be sure to get plenty of writing done that night. Not that you’ll ever see any of it.”

“Okay everyone, back to places!”

The stage manager called for everyone to return from their break. Lin attempted to kiss the top of her head only to have her pull away before promptly returning to the stage.

Alexa opened her laptop, pressing on with her work.


	4. Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexa is starting to become dependent on Lin, all the while mysteriously isolating herself from Vanessa. When she's first exposed to time without either of them, a harsh reality is presented.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: That non-con archive warning comes into play this chapter! Things get relatively graphic! You've been warned!  
> If you'd like to avoid that scene, I've taken the liberty of putting the line directly before and after the scene in bold lettering. If you don't want to read the scene, don't read between the bold lines and you'll be fine.  
> There are references after the fact, just so you're aware.  
> This chapter was kind of a beast so there was quite a delay and for that I apologize.  
> Disclaimer: So I accidentally found out over the break that my friend's building is like right across the street from the building Lin and his immediate family live in in NYC? I also caught a brief glimpse of Tobillas. It was riveting. That being said, I don't know Lin, nor do I know any of his friends or family.

With the beginning of August, and _Hamilton_ ’s Broadway debut closing in, Lin wasted no time slaving away, spending time to perfect the show down to the very last detail.

When he wasn’t caught up in _Hamilton_ , his efforts shifted to being a better father and whatever that may have entailed.  
This week, it was tireless research on immunodeficiency. After nearly a month of having Alexa as a part of their family, he seemed to know virtually nothing about her disease. Since Vanessa was usually at work for more than fifty hours a week (not including the time she spent working at home), he was the only guardian around her most of the time. If something went wrong, being as clueless as he was would not be helpful.

It was Saturday evening when he was particularly caught up in research, his understudy Javier Muñoz set to perform that night in his place. Sebastian was already asleep, Vanessa was at work in her office.

Alexa joined him silently in the living room, a sweatshirt and leggings on, wrapped in a blanket. Her phone was in one hand, a pair of headphones attached and keeping her attention, a small blue device with a large syringe on top in the other. There was a tube attached to the device that vanished underneath her sweatshirt.  
She sat on the far end of the couch, Lin across the room on the loveseat.

“What are you watching?” he asked, loud enough for her to hear through the headphones. She pulled one aside.

“Oh, um, I’m just going through my cue on Netflix. I found this show called _The West Wing_. It looks pretty good but I’m only about two episodes in—what?” Alexa paused when she saw Lin’s face change into an excited smile.

“You do know that’s my favorite show of all time, right?” he told her, setting his laptop aside in search of the remote for their smart TV. “What part are you at? We should watch it together.”

“Oh no, it’s fine.” she insisted. “Don’t let me stop you from… whatever you were doing.”

“I can multitask, I was just researching your immunodeficiency.”

“Why would you do that?” she demanded, glancing down at the machine attached to her, confused if not shocked by the gesture.

“Because I care.” he reminded her.

“You mean, unlike every other foster parent I’ve ever had?”

“Exactly.” he smiled. “You can make fun of me all you want for being proud of that, but I am.”

Alexa couldn’t help but smile. “Just turn on the show so I don’t have to hear you brag about it.”

-

They had managed to make it through five more episodes of the show before Alexa’s treatment had finished, though a few unwanted side-effects had already kicked in.

“One more?” Lin asked as Netflix cued up the next episode to run in twenty seconds.

There was no response. He glanced over at his daughter to see that her eyes were still open though she chose not to respond. She was curled up in the blanket, shivering every so often.

“Lex?” he asked again, moving closer to her. “Are you okay?”

She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut as she shook her head in response.

“What’s wrong?”

“I fucked something up.” she finally said, pulling the device out from under the blanket. The syringe was empty and the device off, signaling that her treatment was complete. “I’m supposed to pause the treatment for like five-minute intervals, but I forgot. I was distracted by the show.”

“That’s okay,” he attempted to reassure her. “Do you know that you’re shivering right now?”

“I’m so cold.” she managed back, shivering again. “Oh my god, am I gonna die?”

Lin put a hand against her forehead, feeling how warm she was in contrast.

“You’re not going to die, but I think you may have a little bit of a fever.” he warned. “We should probably pull that tube out—”

“Bandages.” she reminded him. “They’re in the bathroom.”

“I’ll just go grab a few—” As he stood up, Alexa reached out for his hand, pulling him back.

“Please don’t.” she begged, squeezing his hand.

Though Lin had no firsthand experience with anxiety disorder, he could tell his daughter was on the verge of a panic attack. Her occasional shivering had turned into constant shaking as she tried to hold herself together.

“I’m right here.” he assured her, squeezing her hand back. “You’re okay.”

Lin sat on the floor beside the couch, not letting go of her hand. Considering the strength of her grip, letting go didn’t seem to be an option even if he had wanted to do so.

“Hey Vanessa,” his voice projected down the hall to his wife’s office, where she pulled herself away from the desk and out to the living room.

“What’s going on?” She asked, catching sight of her daughter shaking on the couch. “Is she okay?”

“Everything is fine.” He hoped the calm presence that he was exhibiting would be enough to signal Vanessa to do the same. Thankfully, she caught on.

“Could you grab some bandages and bring them over here? In fact, just grab the box.”

“Yeah, sure.” She scurried off to the bathroom, grabbing the box from the cabinet underneath the sink and rushing it back to the living room.

There was a cry from the hallway catching everyone’s attention.

“Shit,” Lin whispered, taking the box from Vanessa. “He must’ve heard me call you.”

“I’ll take care of him.” she offered. “Stay here.”

While V left to take care of Sebastian, Lin stayed behind to be with his daughter.  
He slowly pulled the blanket aside, cautiously avoiding sudden movements, and pushed up the hem of her sweatshirt to reveal three small needles embedded underneath her outer layer of skin just above her hip bone. He pulled each of them out and replaced them with a bandage.

“Really weak…” Alexa managed through uneven breaths.

“ _Mija_ , you have to breathe evenly.” He reminded her, taking one of her hands and placing it against his chest. “Follow me, okay?”

The teen nodded slowly, eagerly trying to match her breathing rate with his. She did, feeling her skyrocketed heart rate drop ever so slightly.

“Do you think you can walk?”

“I-I don’t know.” she admitted.

Slowly but surely he helped her off the couch, supporting most of her weight as they relocated to her bedroom.  
When she was safely in bed Lin opted to stay with her, sitting beside the bed on the floor. She still insisted on holding his hand, though her constant shaking and uneven breathing had been reduced to occasional shivering and steady breathing.

He had every intention of staying beside her until she fell asleep, but when he was woken up by Vanessa a few hours later only to discover that he’d fallen asleep leaning against the side of Alexa’s bed, he debated if having done so was a step too far.

“At least she knows you’re there for her.” Vanessa said once they’d stepped out into the hallway, closing her bedroom door.

“I just don’t want her to become too dependent.”

They headed down the hall to their own bedroom, sliding into bed beside one another.

“What’s gonna happen when she starts school in September?” he prompted. “We can’t be there for her all the time. She’ll occasionally need to whether a storm on her own. I’m not sure she knows how to do that.”

“We could always ask you mother for advice.” Vanessa pointed out. “Before we discuss school, though, we should probably settle on a school for her to attend.”

-

As July pressed on, Lin and Vanessa came face to face with a very serious decision and a very strict deadline to make it.

They had searched the city, desperately seeking the best possible school to send Alexa to. They knew it had to be private—though tuition would be steep, they would only have to pay it for two years—and that it had to have a good arts program. It was the only way her heavy interest in playwriting would be encouraged academically.

“Okay so, we’re down to two options.”

It was a week before Hamilton opened on Broadway at the Richard Rodgers Theatre. The couple sat in Lin’s office, laptops out and coffee in hand to make a final decision. Both Sebastian and Alexa were asleep, giving them the space to put their heads together.

“Right. First is Brearley.” Vanessa announced, reopening the tab to the school’s website.

“All-girls, which you know I’m a fan of.” Lin offered. “The less shitty teenage boys around to hurt her, the better.”

“Yes, but it is all the way out on the Upper East Side which makes commute a huge hassle coming all the way from the Heights. I have enough trouble getting to court downtown. Especially during rush hour.”

Lin shrugged. The distance was another negative peg for Brearley. Traveling from so far uptown to the Upper East Side would mean a lot of buses and a lot of transfers that would make the morning commute inconvenient.

“Still,” she added. “It’s a top notch school. I think Tina Fey’s daughters go there. Not to mention, their college prep is really great too.”

“Right.” Lin nodded slowly. “But their arts program is kind of bleak. It mostly focuses on music. Which is great, but it’s not Alexa’s area of interest.”

“What are we up against?” Vanessa asked

“Columbia Grammar and Preparatory School.” Lin started, changing the tab on his own computer.

“Upper _West_ Side, so commute is really simple.” he paused, wincing at the next thought. “But they’re co-ed. Which means shitty teenage boys."

“They’re _also_ a great school, and with a similar college prep system.” Vanessa added, taking a swig of her coffee.

“Their arts system also has a more profound Drama program. This has to be it, right?” Lin questioned.

“At $47,000, it’s two-thousand more expensive a year than Brearley.”

He sighed. “I mean at this price, what’s two-thousand more dollars?”

“Lin,” she grabbed his free hand, squeezing it. “We may have to cut corners to make this work.”

“Well if _Hamilton_ does as well on Broadway as _In The Heights_ did, we might be able to scrape by.”

“Sweetie,” she tried.

“We’ll be fine.” he insisted. “ _Hamilton_ will do fine. It did fine at the Public—.”

“You know I want nothing but success for you. But there’s always a rare chance that these things don’t work out like you thought they would.”

“But if they do—”

“Then we pay tuition for this year, set aside tuition for next year, and keep going. That’s great.”

He sighed again, groaning as he rubbed his eyes. “What do we do now?”

“We pay for this year and we budget until we see how Hamilton turns out. I’ll pull a few extra cases at the firm. We can make this work.”

As fortune would have it, their off-Broadway tickets sold out almost immediately. In time, _Hamilton_ quickly became an overnight sensation. Ticket prices soared, seats for their Broadway shows sold out months in advance and, much like at the Public Theatre, notable names came out in droves to see the show.

With this popularity, Lin-Manuel Miranda very quickly became a household name. His once-quiet days at home writing were now spent doing interviews, photo shoots, and press for Hamilton’s upcoming opening on Broadway. Time typically spent at home with his kids now had to be split with his busy schedule.

Coming home from a Sunday afternoon matinee, Lin stepped into his living room only to find him a significant collection of shopping bags scattered about the room.

“What the…”

Alexa stumbled into the living room then, picking up a few bags before she noticed Lin in the doorway.

“Oh, you’re back.”

“What’s going on?”

“Your mom took me shopping.” she explained. “She’s in my room trying to figure out how we’re going to fit all of this in my closet. The woman has amazing taste… but it’s like the shopping was never ending. I left owning no bathing suits and came back owning five.”

“Wait, why did you go shopping with my mom?” Lin picked up a few bags, glancing in them before setting them down. “She goes way overboard when it comes to clothes shopping.”

“You weren’t here.” she reminded him. “Neither was Vanessa.”

He sighed. He couldn’t exactly argue that.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Alexa opened her mouth to speak, hesitating for a moment as she placed the bags in her hand back down on the floor.

“I’m not…” she sighed, groaning in frustration as she struggled to get the right words out. “I’m not great at expressing feelings.”

Lin was silent, waiting for her to continue.

“I get that… I _understand_ that you’ve created _Hamilton_ and it’s this big, successful thing that a lot of people like, but I didn’t ask to have a famous parent and still I’m getting all of the negative repercussions of what that entails. I don’t _see_ you anymore. You’re not here. You’re off doing interviews or photo shoots and I get it, that’s what you have to do, but you can’t just leave your family behind at the same time."

“Lex I’m so sorry,” he tried. “This all kind of happened at once and I’m still trying to work on my time management skills—”

“Just be a father.” she interrupted him. “That’s all I want.” She picked the bags back up, turning to head back to her room. “Oh, and something else,”

He glanced at her curiously.

“I don’t know how long this public interest is going to last,”

“It should die down soon.” he suggested. “Usually people are pretty hyped in the beginning, but once you’ve been running for a while it dies down pretty quickly. Things will go back to normal soon.”

“Whatever it is or however long it lasts, just _leave me out of it_. I can’t stand the idea of being related to someone famous. People always befriend you because they want something. Money… attention… tickets to _Hamilton_. I’m not about to be taken advantage of just because you’re a good writer.”

He nodded slowly. “That’s fair. I’ll leave you out of it.”

“Okay,” she sighed, dropping the bags again to pull her hair back into a high bun with the hair tie on her wrist. “That sucked.”

“I’m proud of you.” he smiled. “You expressed how you were feeling in an appropriate matter.”

She rolled her eyes. “Rare, I know. Don’t expect that to happen all of the time.” She picked up the bags once more. “Since you’re actually home for more than five minutes, can you help out?”

He picked up bags as instructed, following her into her room.

-

Fall was approaching, the beginning of the school year soon to arrive as well. Once the decision had been made (and down payment sent), of where she would attend school that year, Alexa changed her facebook information to show the school she would be attending that fall, Columbia Prep.

It drew a lot of attention, mostly from other students at that school. She was a recognizable face, the girl who hangs out with the cast of Hamilton, the hottest show in New York. The girl who was the daughter of the creator. A big deal.

It was August sixth, the date circled on the calendar as opening night for _Hamilton_ on Broadway.

That morning, as she was being briefed on her dreaded babysitting duties for the evening by Vanessa, an unexpected facebook message caught her attention.

_[Hey, Are you Alexa? You’re going to Columbia Prep in the fall, right?]_

Vanessa was delivering instructions to her daughter while feeding Sebastian at his high chair in the kitchen, Alexa alone with her MacBook in the living room. Desperate to discuss anything else, she started typing back.

_[I am… who are you?]_

The stranger was quick to respond.

_[Oh, I’m sorry. That was rude of me. I’m Eric Westley. I go to CP. I’m the varsity lacrosse captain. I don’t suppose you’re into sports?]_

With that short description, Eric sounded exactly like the type of boy Lin had lectured her to avoid.  
_Athletes_. She remembered him saying. _Especially with typical rich white boy names like Eric or Eric or Nathan… they only want to take advantage of you. Avoid them at all costs._

She was usually one to heed Lin’s warnings, but being exiled from the night’s events, she was feeling rather rebellious and chose to respond.

_[Not unless you count University of Alabama college football… and only by force tbh. I’m sorry, but how do you know me?]_

_[Then I guess I should say Roll Tide. Aren’t you Lin-Manuel Miranda’s new daughter? The guy who wrote Hamilton?]_

Reading that last line, her interest vanished.

_[Whatever you’re trying to get out of me, I’m not interested. Thanks for wasting my time.]_

Eric could tell he’d lost her faster than a dying patient’s pulse. He was quick to defend his actions.

_[Woah hold on… I didn’t mean it like that. Listen, I get what that’s like. My dad’s an actor… it always feels like people are trying to get shit from me. I just figured you could relate.]_

Alexa hesitated. The idea of knowing someone who had similar experiences was comforting at the very least.

_[I guess it can’t hurt to meet new people if we have something in common.]_

_[Exactly. Hey speaking of meeting new people, do you have any plans tonight?]_

“Lex, are you even listening to me?”

The teen glanced up from her computer, Vanessa standing over her, half-dressed, a jar of baby food in one hand, her cell phone in the other.

“Sure,” she muttered back.

“What did I just say?”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Could you put on a shirt while you’re talking to me, Vanessa? This isn’t a Victoria’s Secret fashion show.”

Vanessa scoffed, headed back to her bedroom to put a dress shirt on.

“Not like they’d ever invite you anyway.” the teen mumbled just loud enough for Vanessa to hear. Once she was gone, Alexa turned her attention back to the screen in front of her.

_[No plans. Why?]_

_[A bunch of upperclassmen are having a party tonight. It’s just people from CP so you’ll meet plenty of people who go there.]_

_[Sounds like fun.]_

_[It’s kind of low-key, though, so don’t tell anyone. The address is 2 E 61st St.]_

A quick google search revealed a luxury hotel on the Upper East Side along Fifth Avenue.

_[Can I take a wild guess and say you have your own suite there?]_

_[Didn’t I say it was low key? ;) Be there at midnight. I’ll meet you in the lobby.]_

“Lex, I’m serious!” Vanessa was back, fully dressed for work this time.

“Could you not call me Lex?” she finally asked, breaking Vanessa’s stride.

“What do you mean?” she asked, putting on a pair of earrings. “Lin calls you that all the time.”

“I know. I’m asking _you_ not to.”

There was a pause. Vanessa glanced at her daughter who seemed serious about the request.

“I don’t know what I’m still doing here.” she finally said, grabbing her briefcase and choking back tears. “I’m going to be late for work. I should go.”

Lex watched carefully as Vanessa made her way out without another word. Once the front door was closed, she briefly turned back to her laptop.

_[I’ll be there.]_

-

Lin had left for the night around four, Vanessa returning briefly around six to change and head to the theatre.

This gave Alexa plenty of time to prepare for the evening, all while putting Sebastian to sleep at a prompt seven-thirty.

She was out the door at eleven, wearing one of the many dresses her grandmother had bought for her on their recent shopping trip along with a pair of heels and a small bag to carry the essentials (phone, house keys, wallet, a tube of lip gloss). Before she left, she felt obligated to peek in on Sebastian. He was fast asleep as expected, though that didn’t keep the guilt she felt about leaving him alone at bay. He was only eight months old, after all.

“I’ll be back soon.” she whispered. “Just don’t freak out until then.”

On her way out the door, her phone buzzed alerting her of a text that had come through. As she headed to the elevator down the hall, she opened the message.

_[Just finished an amazing show. Can’t wait for you to see the others. Thank you for coming through tonight. Grateful for you._

_Love you_

_Lin]_

She held her breath as the elevator made its way down to the first floor. The unholy “L word” had finally made its way into her life and it managed to hit her like a car hitting a brick wall.

She’d been with the Miranda’s for five weeks, and while her time had been enjoyable no doubt, using that word had never occurred to her.

Until now at least.

The night she was lying to them and sneaking out, leaving their infant at home alone.

“Did you have to love me _right this second_? She managed, closing the messenger app without drafting a response.

-

She took a cab to sixty-first street, carefully adjusting her hair before she entered the hotel.

Eric Westley was waiting in the lobby for her, dressed for a cocktail party. Eric was tall, at 6’2” compared to her 5’7”. He was also rather fit, although the lacrosse probably had something to do with that. He was blonde, his hair flipped back and styled meticulously. He was already smiling as she approached.

“Hey.” He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, causing her to blush. “Are you ready?”

She nodded, glancing around at the other patrons in the lobby—employees and older guests.

“Are you sure we’re in the right place?”

Eric took her hand, leading her toward the suite’s private elevator on the far end of the lobby. “You’ll see.”

It was a short elevator ride to the top floor of the building. The largest suite was at the top. As they headed up, Alexa could hear the music blaring. The doors opened and they entered the space, a living room full of dozens of other teens. Everyone had a red cup in their hand, a table loaded with a small bar in the kitchen being frequently populated. She spotted a few people snorting coke off of the tables using hundred dollar bills. While most were in groups of friends, there were couples scattered around, some likely hidden away in one of the bedrooms.

Suddenly, she felt very out of place. This was nothing like she’d experienced before.

“Can I get you anything?” Eric interrupted her thoughts, a smirk on his face. “A drink? Maybe something a little more exciting?” he gestured to the group of students snorting coke off of the dining room table. “If that’s your thing.”

“Just a drink.” she confirmed.

“What do you feel like swallowing?” he asked, a cocky grin on his face.

Her eyes widened in shock, though Eric seemed completely serious. Finally, she seceded. “Surprise me.”

“Oh, I will. Don’t go anywhere.”

Leaving her in the living room among the others, Eric headed over to to the bar, signaling a friend as he did so.

“Are you sure this is gonna work?” his friend, Braxton, asked, handing him a pill bottle.

“The guy said it would work. He said one, maybe two to really have an effect.”

“Then go with two. I don’t want to risk anything."

Eric opened the bottle, shaking out two pills and placing them both into a red solo cup full of whiskey. He grabbed a cup of his own, untouched before turning back to Braxton.

“Just make sure the guys are ready. When she’s out, I’m gonna bring her into the bedroom at the end of the hall. I’ll text you when it’s okay to come in. Then it’s time to put on a show for daddy.”

“Alright man, get out there.” Braxton gave his teammate a supportive pat on the shoulder as he headed back toward Alexa, drinks in hand.

“There you go.” he smiled, handing the correct one to her.

“Thanks.” she immediately took a sip, sucking down the hard liquor without hesitation.

“Hey did I ever mention that my dad has won four academy awards?”

Oh god… Alexa was already sighing internally. If she’d known Eric would brag about his family, she would’ve bailed before he got back. She took a long swig of her drink and waited for him to continue.

“... Then when I was six, my parents put me in a lacrosse league. I was the best one there. They kept moving me up to the next group early because my skill was so good.”

Every time he told an obvious lie, Alexa forced herself to take a sip. She’d started when he bragged about his IQ being over 200.

“Then in fourth grade…”

Alexa could feel her vision blurring. She would stumble once or twice, grabbing onto him for support. He didn’t seem to mind.

 _This whiskey is a lot stronger than I thought…_ she realized, feeling her senses fade. She struggled to stay up now, depending entirely on him to stay upright.

“Are you okay?” he asked, helping her stay up. “I think you’re a little drunk, Alexa.”

“S-strong drink.” she managed, her words heavily slurred.

**“Let’s go somewhere to cool off.” he suggested, quickly helping to relocate her.**

They stepped into the bedroom at the far end of the hall, devoid of other patrons. Alexa was confused by her surroundings, unable to process the new environment before Eric leaned in to kiss her. He slid his tongue between her lips, exploring the inside of her mouth.

“No—” she managed to push him away. “No, I’m not okay with this.”

“Too bad there’s nothing you can do about it.” He smirked.

As if on command, the room started to spin. Alexa’s vision blurred to shapes and colors as she collapsed to the floor, barely coherent.

“That’s more like it.” He pulled her up onto the bed, unzipping the back of her dress and fumbling with her bra before he managed to pull it off. Her breasts were revealed, bare to the cold air in the room.

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a cell phone, opening the camera, and snapping photos of her.

“Aw shit… Your dad is going to love this.”

Alexa could hear him speaking, but wasn’t able to form a response. She felt her dress being completely pulled off, her underwear nearly torn apart. There was something inside of her.

She wanted to scream, to kick, to do anything to stop it.  
Still, she lied there. She felt weak, motionless. Like nothing could be done.

Eric made sure to get a photo with her face in frame, her motionless body and how he slid himself inside of her.

She managed a groan in protest, a tear sliding down her cheek.

“Yeah, that’s good, isn’t it?” Using one hand, he switched the format on the camera

“What do you say we take a little video?” he asked, hitting record. Carefully, he zoomed in on her face.

“I wonder what he’d think if he saw you know? His little bastard orphan making some _awfully_ bad choices.”

Another protesting groan. Eric readjusted the camera, filming himself pulse in and out of her. He leaned over, using one hand to wrap around her neck, then refocused on penetration. He was quick, hungry for release. He finished inside of her with a sigh, squeezing her neck harder before pulling away from her.

Alexa felt a wave of relief. It was over. She wanted nothing more that to be left there to her own merit.

“Now,” Eric stopped recording. “We’re going to bring a few friends in.”

The fear quickly returned as three figures entered the room. They were all excited at the sight of her.

“Is she totally out?” one asked

“She’s awake enough to hear and see us… Not enough to fight back.” Eric confirmed as he began recording once again.

They each took turns then, going one by one. The penetration was short, a product of their age and lack of control. They would finish over her, an insult to injury, leaving their remains to stick to her skin.

Alexa could feel herself being rolled over, pushed to lie on her stomach.

“Holy shit look at all those scars.” one of them said.

“We’re probably not the first ones to do this.” someone else quipped.

“Are you getting this?” She heard someone ask.

“Yeah. I’m gonna send it to Lin-Manuel Miranda on twitter.”

There was a chorus of laughter as a warm liquid made contact with her back. One stream, then two then three. She could feel the liquid seeping into the duvet she was stuck on. She sobbed, causing another chorus of laughter.

She was wasted. Numb.

The group managed to push her back onto the wooden floor for good measure, before leaving and shutting the door.

**As soon as they returned to the living room, they wasted no time relocating the data to social media.**

_[@EwestCPchamp: @Lin_Manuel looks like someone needs to head back to the orphanage.]_

_[@EwestCPchamp: @Lin_Manuel are you proud of her now, Daddy?]_

_[@EwestCPchamp: @Lin_Manuel knows how to raise a girl. Didn’t even put up a fight. Maybe because #Idruggedher]_

_[@EwestCPchamp: @Lin_Manuel The best part? I may not even go to jail for this. #richwhiteboypriv]_

_[@EwestCPchamp: @Lin_Manuel #bastard #orphan #grewuptobeafucktoy]_

_[@EwestCPchamp: @Lin_Manuel some people just deserve to be pissed on_

_[@EwestCPchamp: @Lin_Manuel Come find us, daddy. 2 E 61st St. Renaissance Suite.]_

Each tweet had an incriminating attached photo or video. They had no shame, showed no regret. They were proud of themselves. They were hoping to solicit a response loud enough to get attention.

-

Downtown, the afterparty was in full swing. Lin was drunk, celebrating with his cast mates and family over Hamilton’s overwhelming success. Music was blaring from the stage as The Roots performed, among a ton of other celebrities.

Alongside his wife, Lin’s father, Luis, was actively retweeting things about Hamilton in support of his son. It was almost a ritual of his, to do anything he could to support his kids. Because of Hamilton’s _literal_ overnight success, he’d been busy keeping up. There were thousands of tweets celebrating the success of opening night.  
While scrolling through tweets, he came across a group of them from one individual. All sent to Lin, all with a photo or video attached. Eager to see fanart or something more exciting, he negated reading the tweets and opened the first video.

An image appeared of his granddaughter, nude, on a bed in what appeared to be some kind of hotel room, barely conscious. She was being raped, laughed at, choked as she lay there, a victim of her situation.

Luis was shocked, disturbed, enraged by this. He glanced at the other tweets by the same account, all sent to his son, all including incredibly graphic photos or videos of Alexa being sexually assaulted. He closed twitter immediately, prompting his wife to find Vanessa as he went in search of his son.

Lin was on stage, freestyling for the crowd as The Roots played a beat to back him up. As he finished there was an eruption of applause, his father there to greet him as soon as he got off-stage.

“LIN! Have you seen what’s happening?”

Still plenty inebriated, Lin all smiles as he gestured to the room. “Yeah, Hamilton’s doing great!”

“No!” His father pulled him closer, an attempt to keep a secret even with the blaring music. “There’s someone on twitter sending you videos of him sexually assaulting Alexa!”

Lin’s face fell, almost in disbelief. “Wait, _what_?”

“It’s all over twitter!”

Frantic, Lin pulled out his own phone and opened twitter, desperate to find the evidence himself. There is was, dozens of tweets from teenage boys sent directly to him, filming as they (or others) violated his unconscious daughter.

His was furious, an emotion he rarely, if ever, felt. The rage matched his concern and fear.

“I’m going over to that address.” His father announced. “Come with me. We need to find her.”

“Wait! I have to find Vanessa first.”

There was a tap on his shoulder then, Vanessa behind him.

“Oh my god, V. We have to gowehavetofindher—” Lin was frantic, rushing through his words.

“Your mom and I are going home to find Sebastian.” she announced, cutting him off. “I never thought I’d say this, but I really hope she left him home alone.”

Lin pulled her face closer, kissing her forehead. “Go. I’ll get in touch with you as soon as we find her.”

It was a twenty-minute drive from midtown to the Upper East Side. Lin and his father had begged the cab driver to drive faster, to run red lights, to do anything to get there as quickly as possible. Lin tried to mask the panic in his voice, but given the circumstances, it wasn’t easy.

When they arrived, the street outside was nearly silent. From the exterior, no one would know what was going on inside.

They rushed in, frantic, determined. There was one employee, a young man, behind the check-in desk when they walked in.

“Can I help you?” he asked as they approached him.

“We need to get to the Renaissance Suite.” Luis glanced at the tweet once more for confirmation.

“I’m sorry sir, that suite is currently occupied.”

Lin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we _know_ that. We need to get in there.”

“Unless you’re a guest of the person currently residing there I’m afraid I can’t let you—”

“Can we speak to your manager?” Lin interrupted him. “Now?”

The employee nodded slowly, heading to the back. Lin rolled the sleeves of his dress shirt up, realizing just then that he’d left his jacket in the cab. It was the furthest concern from his mind as he loosened his tie slightly, still fuming.

“Hello, my name is Geoffrey. I’m the manager of guest relations. Is there a problem here?”

“Hi Geoffrey,” Lin offered his hand to the older gentleman. “My name is Lin.”

“How can I assist you this evening, Lin?”

“ _Papá, ¿puedo ver tu celular?_ ”

Luis handed his phone over as requested, prompting Lin to pull up one of the many videos before turning the phone to face Geoffrey.

“Do you know what this is, Geoff—may I call you Geoff? This is a video of my sixteen-year-old daughter being raped in _your_ hotel. Now unless you want me and my wife—who is an attorney, by the way—to sue you out of business, you’ll take me to the Renaissance Suite immediately.”

Geoff nearly sprinted to the private elevator, Lin and Luis close behind. They made the slow climb to the top, a cesspool of bad decisions awaiting them.  
At first sight, both Lin and Luis came across mounds of illegal drugs alongside copious amounts of prescription pills and alcohol that were being ingested simultaneously Among them, the occasional used condom.

“This doesn't seem like her at all.” Lin whispered to himself.

“Geoff,” he said louder this time. “Call 911. Ask for the police.” he paused, another wave of fear washing over him as he remembered the state his daughter was left in. “And EMS.”

The manager pulled out his cell phone, wasting no time.

Lin and Luis went on a search then, carefully looking out for his daughter.

At the far end of the room, the group of boys responsible managed a sarcastic applause when they saw him approaching.

“ _You_ ,” Lin approached Eric directly, recognizing his face from the photo on this twitter profile. He got uncomfortably close, right into the younger boy’s face. 

“Where’s my daughter?”

“Isn’t it your job to know that, daddy?” he mocked, his friends chuckling behind him in response.

“ _Tell me where she is_.” Lin could feel the rage coursing through every inch of his body. It took everything he had not to snap the sixteen-year-old in half like a twig.

“Or what?” Eric challenged. “You’re gonna write my death and put it in a fucking _musical_? Oh boy… I’m so scared.”

“Listen kid,” he started, immediately calling out their age difference. “I’m being nice and not kicking the shit out of you right now. If you don’t tell me where she is, I’m not gonna be as nice.”

“Is that supposed to be a threat?” he shot back. “You know I’m an eighteen-year-old heir to a billion dollar company and you’re, what, a 40-something Mexican that practices a dead media? Who do you think the police are gonna go after?”

“Lin!” Luis attempted to pull his son aside, away from what was brewing. “We need to look for Alexa.”

“He’s right. You need to keep an eye out for your damaged goods.”

Lin was instinctive then, winding his arm back to punch the teen directly in the eye. He winced in pain but was satisfied in watching his target go down.

“By the way,” he added, starting to follow his dad. “I’m Puerto Rican. Not Mexican.”

“You’re gonna pay for that!” he heard, walking away from the scene.

“Try me.” he responded, not even glancing over his shoulder.

There was a wailing of sirens approaching as Lin and Luis attempted every door in the room. All of them lead somewhere else, none of them to Alexa.  
Finally, they approached the last door at the far end of the hall, locked. Frantically, Lin used his shoulder to slam against the door until it forced open. There, on the floor of the bedroom, was his daughter. Completely nude, her clothing scattered aside, bruises around her neck. She lay motionless, having lost consciousness.

“Oh my god…” Lin was choking back tears at the sight. He fell to her side, trying to shake her awake.

“Alexa, are you okay? Please say something, please. Anything.”

Luis left to grab towels from the bathroom, using them to cover her.

“NYPD! Everyone freeze!”

Outside the room, the police had arrived at the scene, taking anyone they could catch into custody. EMS was right behind them, Luis leading them to the room where Alexa was. They carefully pulled her onto the stretcher. Briefly, she regained consciousness.

“Alexa! Are you okay?”

“Can you tell us what you took, sweetie?” A female paramedic asked, making sure her body was covered. “And how much?”

“I… I didn’t.” She tried. “They put something in my drink—” was all she could manage before losing consciousness again.

“St. Luke’s is diverting, so we’re gonna take her to Roosevelt.” a male paramedic announced. “We can only take one of you in the back with us, though.”

“I’ll go.” Lin immediately volunteered. “She’s my daughter.”

They passed Eric, being interrogated by police, on the way out.

“Don’t let the door hit you on your way out of the country when Trump wins!” he managed, getting a stern look from the police while Lin ignored his harsh words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI "Roll Tide" is totally a thing University of Alabama fans say. Along with a lot of other racist things probably. If you don't believe me, ESPN made a whole commercial about it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTdXQyhjifY


	5. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences of the evening finally come to light--some more devastating than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has basically been one prologue and four chapters of character A, B and C. This is mostly because it literally started as an experiment with character development and turned into a full-fledged story. Secondary characters are on their way to save the day, I promise. In the mean time, thank you for the kudos and comments. They keep me warm during the brutal chill of winter (as you can see from the last chapter, my heart is already frozen).  
> Nurse Jackie is the only medical show I've ever finished, so you'll excuse me if I wasn't exactly creative with the name of the hospital staff.  
> Disclaimer: I don't know Lin, nor do I know any of his friends or family.

As they piled into the back of the ambulance, Lin pulled his phone out to send his wife an update.

_We found her. She was out in a puddle of questionable liquid. Woke up to tell us her drink was spiked. We’re headed to Roosevelt (10th and 59th st) in an ambulance. My dad headed home. I may have punched that kid. It’s a blur._

It was a short ride to the emergency room, where Lin was forced to stay in the waiting room and answer questions from authorities while they pulled Alexa away to treat her.

“Can you tell us again _why_ you were at the location when EMS arrived? Were you there the whole time?”

“What?” Lin was immediately forced to defend himself. “No. I got there as soon as I heard what had happened to Alexa. I was the one who told the manager to call 911 in the first place. They wouldn’t know what was happening if we hadn’t told them to go up there.”

“How did you find out?” An older black, female police officer asked him, her younger, Latino, male partner sat beside her.

“All of the boys who violated her were sending videos of the incident to me via twitter. They were bragging, claiming they wouldn’t get charged because they were rich and white.”

“Uh huh,” the female police officer didn’t seem phased by his story. “How did you know where to go?”

“That was one of the tweets they sent.” he insisted. “They wanted to be found.” As a confirmation, he pulled out his phone to recite the tweet. “Come find us, Daddy. Two east sixty-first street. Renaissance Suite.”

“Where was the mother—” she paused, referring to another paper in the file she was holding. “Your wife, Vanessa Nadal, at the time?”

“We were all at the same place. She left—”

“What place?”

Lin hesitated. He knew it was hard for him to look guilty in this scenario, but the police offer seemed to be doing everything she could to make that happen. Now he was trapped: either doomed to tell her that he and his wife were drinking at a party while leaving their children at home, or lie and risk getting caught—not to mention, losing credibility.

“We were at an event—a party.” he confessed.  
“My show opened on Broadway tonight and we were celebrating after—”

“What show?”

“It’s called _Hamilton_ —”

“What?!” Her partner spoke up for the first time, clearly gaining a new interest in the case.

“You’re the guy who wrote _Hamilton_? Holy shit dude, you’re awesome!”

He reached out to give Lin a high five, which he cautiously returned.

“You know the show?” his partner questioned.

“Yeah! Well, I mean, I haven’t seen it… tickets are impossible to get. But it’s supposed to be this musical about Alexander Hamilton that has like rap and hip-hop music and a really diverse cast… everyone says it’s awesome.” He pointed to Lin then, as if to convince his partner further. “This dude is _talented_. Hey, if we let you go, do you think you could maybe hook me up with some tickets? My girlfriend and I have been dying to see it—”

“Wait, let me go? You mean, there’s a chance you could arrest me? For what?”

The woman glanced at her file once again. “According to the report taken at the scene, once you arrived, you assaulted someone who has claimed to be a minor. Police found evidence of visible bruising on the face of one of the boys brought in for questioning.”

“We’ll that’s not…” he paused, trying to come up with the right words. “I was drunk and he had just admitted to raping my child and then _bragged_ about it and—”

“So you were drunk _while_ you allegedly assaulted a minor?” She wrote down the statement, shaking her head. “This isn’t going to look good to your social worker.”

“Well, I wasn’t _drunk_ ,” he tried. “That’s not what I meant. I had a drink or two—”

“They should’ve done a breathalyzer and arrested you at the scene.” she reminded him. “They had enough to at least take you in for questioning.”

“Yeah but,” her partner chimed in. “David said they kind of felt bad because his daughter was just raped so they let him go. There was no I.D. provided anyway. They also said that kid was kind of an asshole and I believe it. Some of those tweets are really fucked up—”

“That makes no difference.” she shot back. “Give him a breathalyzer test. If it’s over the legal limit, we’re going to investigate further.”

“Uh,” in an attempt to maintain a visibly united front, he leaned in to whisper to his partner. “We have confirmation that he took a cab to the hotel… technically there’s no ‘legal limit’ unless there was a suspicion that this was a D.U.I. case—”

“We have alleged assault against a minor. Any BAC is enough to press charges against him.”

-

A few rooms away under the care of frantic nurses, Alexa was fading in and out of consciousness. A male doctor stepped in, asking for blood work to be done and to have her monitored until the results came back.

Outside, Lin was reluctantly taking a breathalyzer test supervised by the younger male cop.

“Honestly I tried the whole rap game in high school—I think every guy did as a teenager—but none of us ever really got that far, you know? Then there are guys like you… you make it look easy.”

“Yeah I guess.” On any given day he’d be ecstatic to have a conversation about rap, but at the moment, it was the furthest thing from his mind. “Can we go back to the part about my being arrested? She was exaggerating, right?”

“Not really.” he confessed. “I mean if we find out that he’s an adult we can let you go, but if he isn’t… not only do we have to take you but there’s going to be like no chance of you getting to keep your foster child.”

“Well do you know anything yet?” Lin asked.  
“I’m kind of freaking out here. I’ve never really punched someone before… or done anything violent for that matter. Of course, the one time I do, it could cause me to lose everything.”

“Why did you hit him anyway?” the cop questioned, waiting for the test results to clear.

Lin shrugged, sighing. “I just wanted him to feel as bad as he made Alexa feel. I was also frustrated… because I knew that probably wouldn’t be possible.”

“And you were drunk… allegedly.” the cop pointed out before glancing at the breathalyzer. “Damn… that must’ve been some party.”

The older man closed his eyes, rubbing his temples in frustration. “How bad is it?”

The cop gave him a sympathetic look. “I’ll wait to hear back before we go any further, but you better hope that kid is eighteen.”

-

“Do we have the blood results for that girl in bay six yet?”

Nearly an hour after she’d arrived, samples of her blood were tested, the results eventually printed and handed off to her doctor.

“Jesus, that’s a lot of Rohypnol.” the doctor glanced over at Alexa, still unconscious, on a bed in one of the bays. “At her size, too. She’s lucky to be alive right now.”

“You can’t have expected the teenage boys who came after her to know anything about proper dosage.” a female nurse added.

“Are the parents here?”

“The father came with her in the ambulance. He’s in the waiting room being questioned by police—apparently, he punched the guy who conspired the whole thing.”

“Nice.” the doctor chuckled. “Father of the year.”

“Well she’s a foster child, so her social worker is probably gonna lose her mind when she gets here.”

He shrugged, glancing at her file once again. “Okay uh, get her some charcoal once she’s conscious… have it clear her system. Once that’s done, if she consents to it, run a rape kit. Let me know when the social worker gets here so we can see if she’s on any other medication. Try and get the police to run their physical exam sooner rather than later. They always delay… I’m sure once she’s conscious, that girl is really going to want a shower.”

-

Outside, Lin was awaiting notification from the police. His nerves had only gotten worse over time, with still no response.

“Are you okay?” someone asked, causing him to nearly jump out of his seat.

“What? Oh.” he saw his wife then, a calming presence. “Sorry.”

“I haven’t seen you this nervous since opening night of _Heights_.” she pointed out.

“Yeah uh…” he directed to the two police officers who had questioned him, still off in the corner discussing the case. “I’m just waiting to hear back from… someone.”

“Did you really punch that kid?” she whispered.

“Please don’t say kid.” he begged. “Wait, why are you here? What about Sebastian?”

“Your dad came back and agreed to look after him. He said we should be together as a family.” she kissed his cheek. “Clearly you needed it. Am I missing something here?”

“There’s a…” he sighed. “A slight chance that he was under eighteen… in which case I would be in a lot of trouble for punching him.”

“That’s pretty out of character, even for you.” she pointed out.

“Which is what I’m hoping Claudia will think when we tell her… whenever she visits us at home.”

“ _Hola_ , Lin-Manuel.” Approaching the both of them was a small, older Spanish woman, wearing a normal dress shirt and pajama bottoms—a weak reminder of how late it was. “ _Hola_ , Vanessa.”

It was Claudia, Alexa’s social worker.

“Claudia… You didn’t have to come all the way out here for this.” Lin tried.

“ _Si_ , I did. If any of my cases are in the hospital, I’m the first to know.” She stepped in closer, almost whispering. “This is really, _really_ not good.”

“I’ll have to get a police report.” she said out loud this time, signaling the young cop on the other side of the room to join her.

-

In the emergency room, the drugs were still running their course in Alexa’s system. She regained consciousness to find a friendly looking female nurse standing beside her bed, hanging a bag of fluids beside her.

“Hey sweetie, can you hear me?”

Alexa groaned, glancing around. “Where am I? Where’s Lin?”

“You’re at Roosevelt Hospital. You came in unconscious, but we’re gonna take good care of you, okay?”

She nodded, attempting to sit up but falling short of her goal.

“Why was I unconscious?” she asked.

The nurse opened her mouth to answer, cut short by the arrival of one of her co-workers.

“Jackie,” a male nurse caught her attention. “The social worker is here.”

“Okay. Page Dr. Cooper.” She turned to Alexa, a soft smile. “I’ll be right back with something that will help.”

Nurse Jackie returned a few minutes later, a cup full of liquid in tow. She handed it to Alexa, moving the bed so that she could sit up.

“What is this?” Alexa asked, staring curiously at the yellow liquid.

“Lemonade.” Nurse Jackie stated. “Mixed with some charcoal to help clear your system.”

The teen shot her a curious glance as she was handed an empty bedpan.

“You’re not going to like it, but it’s better than having those drugs in your system for several more hours.”

“What’s this for?” she asked, holding up the bedpan.

“Oh, you’ll figure it out. Just make sure you drink all of it. In the meantime, I’ll go grab your father from the waiting room.”

-

In the waiting room, Lin’s nerves had increased over time as he watched Claudia work the room, speaking to the police, the paramedics who brought them in, and her doctor. Vanessa sat patiently, watching her do the same.

“Excuse me, are you Lin?” someone asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

“What? Oh, yeah.” he responded promptly once he realized the woman was wearing scrubs.

“Hi. Your daughter is awake if you want to come and see her. She’s feeling pretty sick, but she asked for you.”

“Oh, okay.” Both he and Vanessa stood up.

“Oh, um, it’s family only.” she pointed out, gesturing toward Vanessa.

“This is her mother.” Lin pointed out, V smiling slightly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, she didn’t mention a mother.” the nurse confessed causing Vanessa’s smile to fade. 

They followed the nurse into the bay area, where they were led to a bed covered by curtains.

Alexa was behind it, still covered in the towels they’d taken from the hotel.

“Hey Lex,” Lin’s first instinct was to hug his daughter, but given the state she was in—no different from when they first pulled her away—he decided against it.

“Hey—oh you brought Vanessa.” Alexa faked her best smile as she watched them both walk in.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, immediately trying to change the subject.

“Not great.” she admitted. “I’m still not entirely sure how I got here… or why I am here.”

“You don’t remember anything?” Vanessa asked, concerned.

“Rohypnol can have that effect.” Nurse Jackie told them. “There’s a chance she may remember almost nothing from tonight.”

“What happened?” Alexa asked.

“Uh, your social worker will be in soon to explain it to you.” Jackie confirmed. “She’s talked to the police and your doctor, so she’ll probably have better answers than we do.”

Before she could protest, Alexa could feel her stomach churning, nausea very quickly on the rise. She was suddenly ill, vomiting into the bedpan.

“Holy shit,” she managed, groaning.

Lin pulled the tie from his own hair using it to tie her hair back. Before she could thank him, she felt another wave of nausea causing her to vomit again.

It was a while before everything in her system had been purged, at which point Jackie gave her saltine crackers and ginger ale, a base to stop the vomiting.

The constant vomiting had been reduced to the occasional dry heave. She sat back, focusing on her breathing, Lin and Vanessa each in a chair at her side.

The curtain surrounding the space opened, Claudia stepping in.

“May I speak with Alexa privately?” she requested, prompting the two adults to leave the space. They did so, quietly.

“You’re not going to send me back to that orphanage, are you?” she asked Claudia. “Pretty sure those girls who beat me up will be out with a vengeance.”

“Well we’ll see.” She sat in one of the now free chairs, opening a file, clicking the pen to begin writing. “Can you tell me everything that you remember from tonight?”

“I… I guess? I don’t remember much.”

Claudia nodded, encouraging her to continue.

“I know it’s opening night for Lin’s show on Broadway… he didn’t want me to go because he claimed the after party wouldn’t be a safe place for me. Personally, I think they just didn’t want me to see them drunk because they were definitely not sober when they came in here.”

“At least he tried to keep you from that.” Claudia noted as she wrote down what Alexa had said. “They had plans to leave you by yourself while they went out?”

“I was with Sebastian… oh shit.” She blushed, knowing her confession had consequences. “I may have left Sebastian at home alone.”

“They left you behind with an infant?” she questioned.

“Well… he was asleep.” she tried. “He was practically out before they left.”

“What else?”

“Some guy from my school invited me to a party… I went to this hotel… he took me up to this suite with a bunch of other people and... I guess I went a little crazy and drank too much? Then I woke up here. That’s all I remember.”

Claudia sighed, completing the sentence and closing the file. “There a few things I need to tell you.”

-

As Claudia left after informing Alexa of everything that happened that night, the teen was being sent off to have a rape kit done. She sought out the girl’s parents, still together in the waiting room.

“We need to talk.” she said. “This isn’t good.”

The couple glanced at one another, cautious, nervous, before standing, relocating to an empty office.

“From what I’ve gathered, this night was more than likely never meant to happen,” she started, referring back to the file again. “...but this doesn’t change the fact that it did happen.”

They waited for her to continue.

“While I’m glad you both agreed on keeping her away from that after party, there’s a collection of things that happened that are stacked against you. Leaving her by herself, with an _infant_ , then she goes out and she’s drugged, sexually assaulted… left unconscious. Lin, you showed up _by yourself_ to help her with is admirable, but having you there without Vanessa while Alexa was drugged and in a compromising position doesn’t look good on paper. You also allegedly were drunk and assaulted a minor?”

“I mean drunk is a strong word—” he tried.

“Not according to your breathalyzer test results it’s not.” she shot back. “That’s means for arrest, not to mention, if he is confirmed as being under eighteen, I’m required by law to remove all minors from your household. Including your son.”

Again, there was silence.

“ _Adios Mio_ , what happened?” Claudia finally said. “Is it a full moon? Is mercury in retrograde? On paper, this sounds _nothing_ like you all. I had to double check and make sure the police were giving me information from the correct case. Even Alexa… going out to a party and drinking is not in character for her.”

There was a knock on the door, the younger male cop stepping in.

“Hey uh, just letting you know Eric Westley is eighteen years old.” he confirmed.

Lin let out a huge sigh of relief, a feeling matched by his wife.

The cop closed the door, leaving the three of them in the room. Claudia was writing furiously in her file.

“So we’re all good, right?” he asked. “No harm no foul?”

“You still assaulted someone!” Claudia shot back before rubbing her temples in frustration. “You’ve put me in a very difficult situation.”

“You said so yourself that this was out of character for us.” Vanessa pointed out. “Can’t you just consider it a bad day and leave it at that?”

“It’s not that simple. If this were any other family, Alexa would be taken away and you’d never see her again. I can’t just give you a free pass because you’re normally good people.”

“Sure, but you wouldn’t actually do that… right?” Lin could feel his voice wavering.

“I’m concerned I may not have a choice.” she suggested, letting a tense silence fall over the room.

“There has to be some kind of consequence when things go this poorly.”

Vanessa reached for Lin’s hand, their fingers lacing together.

“There has to be something you can do—” she tried.

“Right now, I need to take her back into state care.”

Again, a stunned silence. Lin squeezed his wife’s hand in the hope that it would console him. He could feel it, the all-knowing physical pain that came with heartbreak. His stomach was in knots, a lump in his throat, his shoulders tense. 

He could feel Vanessa tensing up as well, fighting back a sob.

“Nothing’s permanent yet,” she admitted. “I’ll have to run the case by my supervisor. There is a chance you could get her back, but you’re going to have to prove to the state, and to me, that this was an isolated incident. In the meantime, she needs a psych eval. The results of which will also depend on whether or not you get to see her again.”

Lin could feel a tear sliding down his cheek which he quickly wiped away.

“Go home,” Claudia insisted. “You can pack a small bag of clothes for her and I’ll stop by and pick it up tomorrow. We’ll be in touch.”

Again, her words were met with silence.

“I’ll give you two a moment.” she left the room then, closing the door behind her.

“We should’ve gone with Brearley.” Lin resigned, another tear sliding down his cheek. “I knew we should’ve gone with Brearley.”

“Even if she’d gone to an all-girls school, it’s not like she would’ve never seen a boy.” Vanessa pointed out. “We’re just parents. We can’t stop life from happening.”

“We could’ve stopped this.”

“How?” she demanded. “Put a tracker on her?”

“I told her that she couldn’t come to opening night and she was furious. I didn’t even consider that she’d sneak out.”

“Then you trust her, Lin. That’s not a bad thing—”

“This was bad.” he shot back, wiping tears away as he turned to Vanessa. “This was the worst thing that could’ve happened. Maybe I… I don’t know. Maybe I was too trusting.”

“She’s alive.” Vanessa concluded. “She’s in one piece. We’re going to have to work hard to get her back, but she’s not physically hurt.”

“But what if she had been? What if something serious happened?”

“You can’t spend time thinking about things like that. Just be grateful she’s okay and that her absence isn’t permanent.”

Lin sighed, Vanessa rubbing his back in an attempt to be supportive. She stood up then, pacing the room, focused. “We have to fight this. Removing her from the household was _completely_ unjustified. We’ll get your mother to vouch for us. I’ll sue them. We _need_ to fight this—Lin?” She stopped once she realized her husband remained motionless. “Why aren’t you more upset about this?”

He sighed after some time, finally running a hand through his hair.

“I’m not angry.”

“You’re not?”

“I love her.” he finally said. “I just lost her and it’s all my fault. I… I can’t live with myself. How could I do this?”

“Lin,” she sat beside him again, reaching for his hand. “This is _not_ over. We’re going to get her back, okay? We can…” she paused, unsure of her own words. “We can fix this.”

He turned to her. “Are you sure?”

She paused for a moment. “I’m not sure of anything. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No other notes I just wanted to say hi. I'm gonna go take a nap.


	6. Colossal Load of Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lin is distraught after losing Alexa. Alexa is feeling the same way about Lin. Things appear to be out of their control. It's time to fight back and Vanessa knows exactly how to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! I meant to have this up WEEKS ago and things kind of got in the way.  
> Shameless self-promotion (aka thing that got in the way):  
> I set up a tumblr specifically dedicated to my writing. So far I've posted all of my work from Ao3 but I'm also working on one-shot prompts and taking requests there as well. I'll do prompts with any hamilton characters/cast RPF. I'll also probably be posting scenes I've written for this story that didn't exactly fit. If that's something that you're into, the blog is called hamilficsfordays.

Lin and Vanessa headed home that night, trying to get a few hours of much-needed sleep and relieving his parents of their babysitting duties.

Lin desperately tried to keep his eyes closed to no avail. He’d watched the sunrise that morning from their bedroom window, feeling the exhaustion drape over his entire body despite no desire to give in.

With only a few minutes before Sebastian was due to wake up, he headed to Alexa’s room, where he grabbed the duffel bag she’d arrived with and attempted to fill it with clothing that his mother had bought her. Being in the room without her was emotionally taxing; it wasn’t long before he was choking back tears.

When the bag was mostly full he sat for a moment on the edge of her bed, breathing; trying to accept this new reality.

Suddenly he’d remembered something, an item in his office that he felt compelled to put inside as well.

His copy of Chernow’s _Alexander Hamilton_ was covered in notes, both written on the pages and on post-it notes. After years of working on his production, it had tons of ideas and concepts stored inside. He grabbed another post it note, writing a quick note and attaching it to the inside of the front cover before he stored it at the bottom of the duffel bag.

-

Alexa was forced to stay in the hospital, given fluids to rehydrate her before her psych eval. The next morning, Claudia arrived again, greeting her with a small bag of clothing.

“You can’t be serious…” she started, seeing the bag. “You realize _none of this_ was their fault, right?”

“Nothing is set in stone yet.” she insisted. “But for the time being, it looks better if we pull you out.”

“Right. I forgot it’s only about how it looks. How someone actually feels isn’t important to you people.” she rolled her eyes.

A nurse stepped into her room then, two cups in her hand.

“I have a Plan B pill for you.” she offered, handing the cup to the teen. “If you want it.”

She took it without question, swallowing the pill with the water the nurse handed her in the other cup.

“Once you’re back to a hundred percent, they’ll relocate you to the pediatric psych ward. In the meantime,” Claudia pulled a small bag out of her purse, a collection of pills inside. “Your Zoloft.”

She took that pill as well. Claudia sat in the chair on the far side of the room, her bag of Alexa’s things at her side.

“I was hoping to talk to you more about what you can expect in the coming days—” Claudia tried.

“Jesus, that sounds terrible.” she admitted before grabbing a clean gown, a towel and a bottle of body wash from the bedside table. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

She walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her and sinking to the tile floor, groaning in frustration.

Finally she stripped, stepping into the searing hot water.

Whether it was the temperature change or something else in her system, a sudden wave of nausea caused her to vomit, stepping out of the shower and running to the toilet just in time.

She managed to carefully re-adjust the water temperature before stepping back into the shower so as to avoid a repeat incident.

-

A few days passed.

As the sun rose over Manhattan later that week, news of the incident began to spread like wildfire.

“Just in for you this morning, we have reports that Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator, and star of the broadway hit Hamilton, was in for quite a shock earlier this week when he was sent photos and videos via twitter of his sixteen-year-old daughter being raped, choked and urinated on while heavily intoxicated at a party last night by fellow male students. The victim was taken to Roosevelt hospital, treated for minor injuries and released just yesterday. Since then, the parents have reportedly had the teen removed from their home and put back in the care of the state. We’ll have more for you on this story as soon as more information is released.”

From the comfort of their living room, Lin and Vanessa suddenly felt very small.

The idea of losing their child after everything that had happened was embarrassing enough, but they had every intention of keeping that information private.

It was very clear that doing so would no longer be possible.

“Can you change the channel?” Lin asked, defeated. “I can’t listen to this.”

Vanessa grabbed the remote, jumping to another news network before realizing they were telling the same story.

“—an array of unlabeled prescription medication and traces of other drugs like cocaine, ecstasy, and other opiates. These are some of the things they believe a sixteen-year-old girl was under the influence of when she was sexually assaulted last Thursday night. Several incriminating photos and videos of the act were posted to twitter last night by members of the Columbia Prep male lacrosse team—statewide champs for the last three years running. Not only did they post them to twitter Katie, they tagged the victim’s father, Lin-Manuel Miranda, the writer and star of Hamilton, in the hopes that he would see them. Now Miranda, after seeing these tweets, showed up to this party, called the police to break things up, and got an ambulance there to take his daughter to Roosevelt Hospital. She was treated there, given a psych eval and held by doctors until her release yesterday. What we do know so far is that no suspects have been taken into custody and that the foster child has since been removed from the Miranda household and reclaimed by the state.”

“Turn it off.” Lin shook his head in utter disbelief. “How can they even talk about this? It’s supposed to be confidential information.”

Vanessa turned it off, making a note on the laptop in front of her. “Only more collateral damage to add to this case.”

“V,” he reached out, taking her hand. “I’m glad you’re so passionate about taking her back, but you don’t actually expect to sue the entire state, do you?”

“Maybe I will.” She shrugged. “I have to do something. I haven’t seen you this upset in ages.” She squeezed in hand. “Even if I don’t sue, I can at least build a strong enough case to scare the shit out of them.”

“Oh, is that all?” he smiled.

“And at the _very least_ , I got you to smile. That’s been pretty hard to do lately.”

-

Downtown at the orphanage, Alexa woke up in the same bed she’d had before. Staring up at the same dirty ceiling, listening to the same girls complain about bathroom space.

Only one thought seemed to frequent her mind as she headed into the shower stall that morning.

_This is a colossal load of bullshit._

After another bland cereal and soy milk breakfast, she was brought into a meeting both with Claudia and her superior Janine. Alexa had never met Janine, but seeing her for the first time revealed three truths at the exact time. She wasn’t a natural blonde, she was old enough to remember all of the eighties, like most white women her age with enough money, she’d clearly had some work done.

“How are you feeling, Alexa?” Janine carefully offered a hand to the teen as if she were afraid to break her.

“Fine…?” She sat in one of the two large chairs opposite the desk in Janine’s office, Claudia in the other.

“That’s great.” her smile was off-putting. “I was so glad to hear you made it out of the hospital safely. I hope your experience there was enjoyable.”

Alexa gave her a confused look. “You mean after I was drugged and raped?”

“Well, I know the doctors took care of you.” she clarified.

“After that rape kit, which was easily the most invasive experience of my life…” she paused. “Well, that I can remember anyway, I was dying to get out of that hell hole.”

“I understand you were given a psychological evaluation?” She was immediately handed a file by Claudia, containing the results of her psychological evaluation.

“Oh yeah, that sucked too.” she added, much to the disappointment of Claudia.

Slightly frustrated with her responses, Janine lowered her voice to whisper to Claudia. “Have you been making sure she’s taking her medication?”

“I’m sitting _right here_ , dude.” Alexa shot back.

“Zoloft once a day in the morning.” Claudia confirmed. “She’s been under my care since I got to the hospital.”

“If you have a problem with my attitude, maybe you shouldn’t have pulled me from the best foster home I’ve ever been to.” the teen pointed out. “Also, Zoloft only works if you digest it. I’ve been getting sick all week. You’re leaving opportunity for an insane mental breakdown while I’m under your care.”

Janine turned back to Claudia. “I expect you to handle this.”

Claudia dug through her bag, searching briefly before pulling out a small pill bottle with Alexa’s name on it. She tossed it toward the younger girl who didn’t bother catch it.

“You know what? I refuse to take my meds until you put me back with the Mirandas.”

“We’ll have to put you in psychiatric care if you refuse your medication.” Janine pointed out.

“Just put me back where I was before and I’ll stop refusing! It’s not rocket science!”

“That household has been deemed temporarily unfit.”

“Okay so when does it become fit again?” she demanded. “This whole ‘punishing-so-that-it-looks-like-you’re-doing-your-job’ thing is getting old really fucking quickly.”

“We’ll send you back when and if we see fit.” the blonde pointed out, flipping through the results of her psych eval. “If,” she repeated.

“Don’t I have a say in this? I WANT to go back!”

“Yes well, I brought you in to offer my good wishes after you released from the hospital. If you don’t mind, your case manager and I need to speak privately.”

“So I don’t have a say at all.” Alexa stood up, storming out. “Whatever.”

The door slammed shut behind her.

“If I could speak candidly,” Claudia started receiving a stern look from her superior.

“It’s just, I see no reason to remove her permanently. In fact, I was hoping to send her back before school starts. Lin and Vanessa had enrolled her at this outstanding private school on the Upper West Side—”

“We have plenty of reason to keep her permanently. More youth in our system means more money from the state.” Janine shot back. “Does that not make sense?”

“Well… we’re not a for-profit prison—” Claudia tried.

“Can I be frank, Claudia?” she interrupted the older woman. “I know I’ve only been in charge here for a few months, but I’d like to think I have a good instinct about these things. Right now my instincts are telling me that you might not be the best case manager for this job.”

“Wha—I’ve been working here for thirty years.”

“It looks like your case seems to be missing a few—” she pulled a few pages out, sliding them into the paper shredder underneath her desk. “important documents. If the state were to find out that you weren’t staying consistent with a case like this, you could lose your license. Wouldn’t that be a shame?”

Claudia finally seceded, trapped at the mercy of her superior. “What do you want?”

“The important thing here isn’t putting Alexa back in that home, it’s avoiding a lawsuit. That woman—Vanessa—she’s a lawyer. I need you to make sure she doesn’t file a lawsuit. If she does, we’ll have to look into this case file and with so many inconsistencies… your job might be on the line.” She handed the file back to Claudia, a smug smile on her face. “I hope we understand each other.”

-

Outside in the large room with the other teens, a fight broke out nearby. One of them tossed an open bottle of water at the other, most of the water landing on Alexa, though the two fighting didn’t seem to notice.

Her shirt was soaked, prompting her to angrily return to her bed and dig through her bag to find another one.

Frustrated, she dumped the entire bag out on her bed. There, on the top of the pile, was a large book she hadn’t seen before  
.  
There were post-it notes sticking out of the pages; the book certainly wasn’t new.

She turned it over, seeing the cover of a biography of Alexander Hamilton.

 _Why would he give me this?_ she thought, opening the hardcover to find the first post it note inside.

_Meant to give you this opening night. Read it._

_I see his passion and drive in you._

_Don’t ever lose that._

_Love you,_

_Lin_

Alexa could feel her emotions rushing to the surface faster than she could handle, tears building up in her eyes as she read the note over again.

She remembered that night, receiving a text from Lin about the show, about how he was grateful for her.

Most importantly, how he loved her.

She was so scared of the word that she didn’t bother to respond. Now it seemed, she may not ever have a chance to.

Maybe she did love him, but what did it matter if she couldn’t say it?

A tear fell, landing on the first page of the book which she quickly wiped away.

She promised herself that, should she ever see Lin again, holding back feelings would not be an option.

-

Uptown, Claudia paid the Mirandas a visit that evening, informing them of the decision that had been made.

“I don’t understand.” Vanessa was sat beside her husband with Claudia across the dining room table, obviously uncomfortable being the bearer of bad news. “You said this would be temporary.”

“They came to the conclusion that this was an unstable environment for Alexa and that they wouldn’t be sending her back. I’m sorry, this wasn’t my choice. They went over my head.”

“We’re going to sue.” she insisted. “Not only because you removed her for unjustified reasons, but being dishonest about bringing her back—”

“ _Por favor no hagas eso_! You can’t sue!”

“We absolutely can!” Vanessa shot back. “I’ve built a bulletproof case against your organization. If you think you’re getting away with this—”

“I wanted to send her back!” Claudia finally admitted. “My superior, Janine, went over my head on this. She wants to keep Alexa.”

There was a pause. Lin, who was unmoved until this point glanced up, shocked to hear what had just been said.

“Let me guess… more kids means more funding.” his wife concluded.

“ _Sí_ , she shredded documents from my file for Alexa. If you file a lawsuit, they’ll have to have access to the file and with too much information missing—”

“You lose your license.” Vanessa finished. “Shit.”

Just as the realization hit, Lin slowly sunk down in his chair. “We’re never going to see her again, are we?”

Tobillo, who had been otherwise silent underneath the table, stood up to lick Lin’s hand as if she understood why he was upset. It was more comforting than he expected it to be.

Vanessa was distraught seeing Lin so upset, it was the worst shape she’d ever seen him in. For a moment she was silent, working out details in her mind to come up with a solution that would put an end to this once and for all.

“I think I know how to fix this.” she finally said. “We can’t sue, but we can pressure them into getting what we want.”

“How?” Claudia pressed, Lin curious as well.

“You wouldn’t happen to have all of the statements you took from that night, would you?”

“She shredded half of them.” Claudia reminded her. “They’re gone.”

“They’re shredded, not burnt. They can be salvaged. If we can get a hold of them and piece them back together, we make copies and we bring it to the press anonymously. That should put enough public pressure on them to back off.”

“That’s _impossible_.” the older woman insisted. “Even if you could piece the pages back together, how would you get a hold of them in the first place?”

“Use your imagination, Claudia. You’ve worked there for years. Bribe the cleaning staff to let you take the garbage when they’re pulling it out of Janine’s office. As long as you can get a hold of anything in that shredder, we can get what we need to move forward and no one needs to lose the license.”

Another pause. Vanessa, beaming with confidence in her plan, saw a glimmer of hope flash across Claudia’s face.

“They clean every night at nine.” she recalled.

Glancing at her phone, Vanessa noticed it was just after eight. “You better get going then. Let us know when you find it.”

She made a quick exit, headed straight for her place of work downtown.

“Lin,” she put a hand on his shoulder. “I need your help with this too.”

“Whatever you need me to do.” he insisted.

“What you do best. I need you to write something.”


	7. Manipulation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plan to have Alexa return is finally put into motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that in the last chapter, for some reason I referred to Tobillo as Tobillas? Not sure why. (Not-so) promptly fixed.  
> This feels like an ending chapter but I can assure you I have much more planned. You'll basically get to see the entire year (from arrival to adoption). Anyway, enjoy.  
> TW: Cutting, self-harming.  
> Disclaimer: I don't know Lin, nor do I know any of his family or friends (but I did hug his brother in law Luis at Broadway Con this past weekend).

Later that same evening, Lin was in his office with a blank document open on his computer.

Vanessa was stood behind him, hands on his shoulders, carefully feeding him instructions.

“You’re going to write a letter expressing your heartfelt thoughts on the situation. But it has to be sad.”

“You _want it_ to be sad?”

She nodded. “It needs to be sadder than an animal adoption commercial. Then you’re going to read it during curtain call one night to the _Hamilton_ audience. Whoever runs social media for the show will film it and put it online. It’ll make people sympathetic. That’s just what we need them to be when we anonymously send those documents to the press. That sympathy will turn into public outcry at the first sight of injustice. Nothing puts self-entitled bitches like Janine on their ass faster than a group of execs forcing her to handle angry donors who are demanding answers.”

“You really think that’ll work?”

“Trust me.” she kissed his cheek. “Put your heart and soul into this and she’ll be back here in no time.”

For a while, Lin hesitated to write anything. He could think of plenty of things that he wanted to write, but nothing seemed to want to come out. Everything was second guessed. Would it be sincere enough? Would it gain sympathy? Most of all: would it get her back?

Eventually, he gave up on trying to appeal to others. He wrote exactly what he was feeling; the pain, the frustration, the heartache.

He printed it out before heading to bed in the hope it would be just enough to get the job done.

-

At curtain call the following night, Lin bowed with his cast before pulling a paper out of his sleeve.

“If I could just have another minute of your time,” he asked of the crowd, applause dying down.

He opened the paper, beginning to read aloud. Behind him, the cast knew of his intentions and was eager to show their support. In the audience, cell phones were pulled out, eagerly awaiting what came next.

“I wanted to take time this evening to talk about how incredibly grateful I am to work alongside a tremendous cast every night. I truly believe that they push me further every day. They’re my family away from home.” he paused for just a moment, looking back at the cast who encouraged him to continue.

“While I’m so grateful for my family here, I know my family at home gets no standing ovation at the end of each night for being who they are, though they _totally_ deserve it.”

The crowd chuckled at the notion.

“My amazing wife works hard day in and day out, pushing herself every day for me and our two kids—truly the best of wives and best of women.”

There was applause.

“My son Sebastian inspires me every day with his views of the world around us. He is truly a reminder that the greatest thing we can honor is the child in all of us.”

More applause.

“My daughter,” his voice cracked as he choked back tears, the audience erupting in applause. “One of the smartest, most incredible people I’ve ever met. Her strength, her passion is above all else. I look to her for ways to better myself each and every day. She has—” he paused, unable to hold back tears. The audience applauded again, Renee stepping in to finish the note for him. She continued.

“She has been and continues to be the most astonishing source of hope since my wife and I brought her into our lives less than a month ago. Recently, she was pulled rather abruptly from our lives for extenuating circumstances, but that doesn’t change how prominently she’s affected me or my family. I only hope that wherever she is at this very moment, she knows how much my wife and I love and miss her.”

Renee was brought to tears this time.

“I would not be standing before you today—that is to say, Hamilton would not exist without my family.”

More applause. The audience was on their feet, Lin smiling through his tears as Renee continued.

“If I could ask you to do anything this evening, it would be to go hug your loved ones, tell them that they’re loved and appreciated. I certainly know I’m going to do the same.”

More applause erupted as the cast headed off-stage. Lin changed out of his costume and prepared to head outside and sign autographs at the stage door. On his way out, he received multiple texts from Vanessa who commended him on his work.

_[It’s already all over twitter. I’ve never seen so many crying emojis. You nailed it.]_

_[If everything goes right, this should be national news by tomorrow morning.]_

They were both up early the next morning. Lin was feeding Sebastian in the kitchen while Vanessa was in the living room, dressed for work, changing the channel from one news outlet to the other. Several of them were fixated on last night’s events, just as Vanessa had expected.

“It’s working!” She called out. “I’m almost kind of upset that the public is so easily manipulated! What’s going to happen on election day next year?”

“Did you hear back from Claudia yet?” he prompted changing the concerning subject. “Isn’t that the next step in this plan?”

“She hasn’t gotten ahold of me ye—” As if on command, her phone rang. It was Claudia, likely with news regarding their situation. She moved to Lin’s side, putting the call on speaker so they both could hear.

“Claudia? What happened?”

“ _¡Ay Dios Mio_! I got it!” she exclaimed. “I have a bag full of everything that was in her shredder.”

“Perfect! Bring it here tonight and we can start putting things together.”

As she hung up the phone, she caught the slightest glimpse of a smile on Lin’s face.

“I know you work tonight, but when you get back, you’re gonna have to help us sort through all of that shredded paper.”

“I miss her.” he seemed rather distracted as he wiped the remaining food off of Sebastian’s face.

“It’s only a matter of time before she’s back.” V pointed out. “I’m surprised that you’re not more excited.”

“I wonder what she’s doing right now.”

“She probably heard about your speech and is in tears like everyone else.”

-

“If you take a medication, please line up at the door.”

Hamilton biography in hand, Alexa stood in line by the med clinic and waited to receive her medication. Her usual pediatric dosage of Zoloft typically kept most of her symptoms of depression, anxiety, and PTSD at bay, but lately, it wouldn’t be enough.

When she reached the door, she swiftly hid the pill behind her teeth, swallowing the cup of water that came after. They checked her mouth to confirm it was gone, before moving along to the next person.

Once she was back in the main hall, she pretended to cough, placing the pill in her hand so it could be carefully thrown out when no one was looking.

In hindsight, it wasn’t the brightest idea to not be taking her meds. She’d been voluntarily doing it since her return to the orphanage; though she couldn’t keep any pills down during her stay in the hospital anyway.

She felt more on edge, that was for sure, but at the moment it was the only way she could protest her current situation. She almost hoped to snap, putting the people who had sent her back into the system through hell. That, and losing her mind enough to not remember how badly she missed Lin would be the best case scenario.

She approached an empty table and began quietly trying to read the Hamilton biography. The book was hidden under the table to avoid another page-tearing incident.

The noise from the TV at the end of the hall distracted her, however, as it was especially loud that morning. She got up, headed toward the group huddled around the tv to complain.

“Could you turn that shit down?” she demanded, glancing at the screen. “No want wants to hear your—”

Her sentence was cut short, her words suddenly missing at the sight of Lin, onstage in his final costume, on the screen.

“ _My daughter…_ "

His speech was moving, something she had come to expect from Lin. As Renee finished the speech, some of the others surrounding the tv screen turned to look at her. She realized her mouth was hanging open in disbelief.

His words sounded so _final_. It almost felt like he knew something that she didn’t know.

Like maybe there actually _was_ a chance she would never see him again.

The thought haunted her as she rushed to Claudia’s office upstairs, only to discover that she wasn’t there.

“Alexa… you’re not allowed to be up here.” Instead, she was greeted by Janine, who was stepping out of her office.

“I need to speak to my case manager,” Alexa demanded. “It’s an emergency.”

“Well, she’s not here today.” Janine attempted to move her back toward the stairs. 

“Probably desperately trying to find a new job.”

“New job? What new job?”

“That’s none of your concern. Why don’t you head back downstairs?”

“I want to speak to someone about my case with the Miranda family.” the teen stood her ground. She was determined to not be moved until she got answers.

“That case has been nullified.”

“Wait, _what_? According to Claudia it was still being reviewed—”

“If you’d like, I can have someone discuss your options for aging out. It’s unlikely that another foster family will be looking to take you in at your age.”

“You can’t just tell me the case has been nullified and not explain why! I deserve to know what’s happening—”

“I appreciate your admiration, but I’m afraid it’s irrelevant. The Miranda household has been deemed unfit for foster care children. Now if you’ll just head back downstairs—”

“But you can’t _do_ this! They were the nicest people I’ve ever—”

“Miss Jordan, if you don’t move back downstairs, I’m going to have to call the authorities.”

Being black in America was difficult enough without the police getting involved to make a bad situation worse. Alexa seceded, frustrated, feeling tears well up in her eyes as she headed downstairs. She angrily wiped them away.

In a way, this felt expected, like just another day of the foster care system letting her down. She was supposed to be used to this feeling, but somehow it hurt ten times as bad in this case.

She negated heading back to the large room with everyone else, instead of ducking into a corner at the bottom of the staircase.

Her heart was pounding as she sunk to the floor and tried to catch her breath.

The anxiety attack was coming on faster than she could handle. Her meds typically slowed things down when she got too panicked, but without them, she couldn’t handle what was coming next.

This was it.

She’d never see him again.

She didn’t even really get to say goodbye.

For the first time since her return to the orphanage, she felt alone.

Not just in the system, but in this world.

There was an impulse driving her that she couldn’t control without meds.

It drove her back to her bed, where hidden somewhere in her dresser was a half-full package of plastic shaving razors. She pulled one out, snapping the plastic at the top and pulling a small blade out with ease.

It wasn’t her first time trying this.

The blade was unused, making it easy to cut through her skin.

Both of her forearms were covered in open wounds before the door to the room burst open, a female, middle-aged staff member coming inside.

“You know you’re not allowed to be here during the daytime—What are you doing?!”

Alexa could feel her cheeks turning red, her shame rising as the woman caught sight of all the blood.

-

That night, Claudia, Vanessa, and Lin were sat on the floor of his office going through the thousands of shredded pieces of paper in the hope of finding Alexa’s documents and putting them back together.

They slaved over Chinese takeout, working through the night. As pages started piecing together, Vanessa began to notice a negative pattern.

“Wow… there’s a lot of questionable shit in here.” She pulled some of the half-pages out. “Public funding being put toward hotel stays in Miami, the rent on a penthouse in the financial district… not to mention there are documents shredded from the files of other kids. I honestly wish we were able to sue this woman… there’s enough here to put her away for a long time.”

“Let’s focus on getting what we need.” Lin reminded her. “Alexa is the most important part of this. If we can cost Janine her job after the fact—”

“It’s a bonus.” Vanessa finished.

Hours passed. It was an ungodly hour in the morning before Claudia began to raise concerns.

“ _Aye_ , there’s so much here. I’m worried we won’t have everything we need in time.”

“We’re going to need all night at this rate. This is more than I expected.”

“I haven’t found a single document with her name on it.” Whether it be from exhaustion, lack of progress or both, Lin seemed defeated. “What if this was all for nothing?”

“This was _not_ all for nothing.” V took his hand, lacing their fingers together. “We’re gonna fix this, okay? Trust me.”

“You haven’t even entertained the possibility that this won’t work.” he insisted. “It might not.”

“That sounds like a waste of time. Lin, we’ve been together for ten years. Have I ever been wrong about this kind of thing?”

“Not really.”

“Exactly. Please trust me on this.” she kissed him. “I’m confident everything will work out.”

-

By sunrise, they’d put all of the pieces together. They made copies of the once-shredded pages with plans to expose them by the end of the day.

“Shouldn’t we just give it to them now?” Lin questioned as Claudia left that morning. “Most morning shows are on until noon. We could get the news out now and by the end of the day, everyone will know.”

“What, so they can squeeze the story between back-to-school fashion shows and the latest superfood?” Vanessa compiled the copies, stapling each set together and sliding them each into a manila envelope. “No one will take it seriously if it’s morning news. Anyone who watches the morning news is either up at five am on their way to work and too tired to care, or willfully unemployed and watching mid-morning. This needs to be evening news. Then they’ll be all over it. People tend to be annoyed after a long day at work and a frustrating commute home. They’ll be more likely to get angry about something like this.”

“That sounds manipulative.” he pointed out.

“Of course it is. I’m a lawyer. This entire plan works because the public is so easily manipulated. Why do you think I told you to make your speech so emotional?”

Lin was quiet for a moment.

“It’s been a long night. You should get some rest. I can call my mom and ask her to look after Sebastian. I’m going to get ready for work.”

“I should take Tobillo for a walk first.”

“Okay.” She kissed his forehead. “I love you.”

-

At one, Vanessa headed out for a lunch break claiming to be meeting a client. Instead, she took the train up to midtown to deliver a few copies of their records. First to NBC News, then Fox, ABC, CNN and New York 1. At each location, she refused to give a name. She left the documents with a receptionist who would inevitably hand them off to someone else.

By the time she’d returned to the office around four, the news was already beginning to break. There were a few online articles that had gained traction on social media, only scratching the surface of the whole story. By the time she’d gotten home around six, every evening news show had latched on.

“Coming up tonight, potential corruption within the foster care system here in New York City. Why one particular family who recently had a foster child unjustifiably removed from their home has been told to Wait For It in regards to their return, only to find out that the case they were in the middle of had been nullified.”

“I hope you’re ready for an egregious amount of bad puns based on _Hamilton_ lyrics.” she told Lin, who was quietly watching the tv from the loveseat.

The news led to an outcry on social media, where the hashtag #givebacktheirgirl sparked public outrage over the incident. Just as Vanessa had predicted, people were upset by the news and had plans to fight back. Protests began downtown near the orphanage.  
As the movement gained more traction, some of the organization’s private donors began to express their displeasure with the situation.

When Janine headed into her office the next morning, she was greeted by Jonathan Daley, the owner of the organization.

“Mr. Daley,” she stopped short on the way to her office. “I didn’t expect to see you, sir—”

“Ms. Bryan, we need to speak immediately.” He opened the door to her office for her, stepping inside. “This is not good.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

Jonathan took Janine’s usual seat behind her own desk, leaving Janine to sit on the other side of her desk like a guest in her own office. His suit was worth more than any item of clothing she owned, and he wore that fact rather well.

“We’ve received several calls from benefactors who are furious with the news of our history with the Miranda family. When I attempted to examine the case for more details, I was told the case had been nullified by you. Why is that?”

“I—I don’t—”

“The information released by the media included copies of clearly shredded documents from that girl’s file. What explanation do you have for that?”

“Sir, it was that case manager, Claudia. She shredded the documents to—”

“I don’t care who’s fault it is. You need to fix this.” He stood up, heading towards the door. “So far, this has all been traced back to you which means it’s your responsibility to take care of it. If we lose even a single donor because of this, it’ll be on you.”

“What do you expect me to do?!”

“Keep the public outcry to a minimum. If that means pulling her out of that pediatric psych ward and putting her back with the Miranda family, do it. Honestly, I don’t see why you didn’t do that in the first place.”

“I was trying to save us money by keeping enough children in the system—”

“Saving money?” he stopped just short of leaving, turning back to her. “The money we’ll lose if donors start backing out will be a hundred times what we’re making by keeping one person here. Still think that you’re helping us?”

Janine was silent.

“Fix it. Immediately.”

The door slammed shut behind him.

-

This wasn’t Alexa’s first time in a pediatric psych ward.

As per usual, she was one of the least fucked up people there.

They’d stuck her in a room with a fourteen-year-old white girl who was anorexic, constantly staring at herself in the mirror over the sink. Her blue hospital gown gave the slightest impression that she was bigger than she was, which was not very big.

“You’re like, ninety pounds Alyssa, stop fucking staring at yourself. It’s not gonna make you any thinner.”

The girl turned to glare at her, still in bed in the middle of the day, before refocusing on herself in the mirror.

Alexa sighed, rubbing her eyes. There were bandages wrapped each of her forearms that she always managed to forget about until the skin under the bandages itched and she couldn’t reach it.

A boy that was about their age popped his head into the open door.

“Why is rape illegal?!” he demanded before a nurse pulled him back.

“Oh, that’s nice.” Alexa rolled her eyes. “Just the friendly reminder I needed on top of this shitty situation.”

“Girls, lunch is here. Come eat.” Another nurse peeked her head.

“I can’t eat, I’m like three hundred pounds!” Alyssa insisted.

“Alyssa, do you need to see a doctor?” the nurse reminded her. Defeated, Alyssa headed out of the room and down the hall toward the dining room.

“Can I please not sit next to that kid who set his parents on fire again?” Alexa asked the nurse on her way out. “He always stares at me like I’m his next victim.”

“If he touches you, let one of our nurses know.” she reminded the teen.

She grabbed her tray and sat at the table beside the fire kid. As per usual, he glared at her without a word.

Her discharge couldn’t come fast enough.

-

“I’m so glad you two could meet on such short notice.”

The next day, Janine had managed to get both Vanessa and Lin into her office. They sat beside one another on the other side of her desk, quiet, listening.

“I believe there’s been some kind of misunderstanding here. I think we got off on the wrong foot. There was an accidental nullification of your file that I take complete responsibility for. I’m willing to have Alexa returned to your household. As long as you comply with your case manager and there are no other incidents, you should be able to keep her through the duration of the year and then decide if you’d like to adopt or not. Just a few _Hamilton_ tickets and a promise not to sue and she’s all yours.” Janine put on her best fake smile, hoping she had them convinced.

The looks on their faces, however, said otherwise.

“You and I both know that the higher ups here are putting pressure on you to make this disappear.” Vanessa leaned forward, metaphorically going in for the kill. “Your donors are threatening to back out and that would put you out of a job, Janine. A lawsuit would drag this out for another year or two. How about you give Alexa back, you don’t get _any_ Hamilton tickets, and you _pray_ that I don’t go through with that lawsuit.”

Lin smiled wide for the first time in a long time, fist-bumping his wife for her successful intimidation.

“Fine.”

“Oh, and Claudia keeps her job and stays assigned to this case,” she added. “If you’re not going to get fired, she definitely shouldn’t be.”

“Agreed.” Janine nodded once. “Talk to Claudia, but you should be able to get her back after she’s released from the hospital the day after tomorrow.”

Their smiles faded.

“Wasn’t she released from the hospital like a week ago?” he questioned.

“It’s a minimum three day stay for self-harming behavior. There was an incident two days ago.”

“Which you’ll be disclosing to us in full, of course.” Vanessa clarified.

“That’s not my job. Talk to Claudia. She knows more about this than I do.”

The couple glanced at each other briefly.

“Is she in today?”

-

“I was going to tell you, pending your meeting with Janine went well. I’m assuming it did.”

They had relocated to Claudia’s office shortly afterward.

“She won’t be bothering any of us anymore,” Vanessa confirmed.

“What happened to Alexa?” Lin wasted no time moving back to the topic at hand. “Is she okay?”

“She is now, yes. She’ll have to be held in the hospital until Friday. One of our staff caught her with a blade and her arms had open wounds, so they considered it an act to self-harm and admitted her to a pediatric psych ward.”

Lin felt the breath in his lungs leave all at once.

“Why would she do that? She never did that when she was with us.”

“She has a history of self-harming,” Claudia reminded him. “... but it typically only occurred under abusive care. This was probably part of a reaction to not being around you two anymore—that is, assuming you treated her as well as she claimed.”

Lin instinctively reached out for Vanessa’s hand, squeezing it for support.

“You’ll still be able to see her on Friday,” she assured them. “I would keep a watchful eye on her behavior if you can, though. If she does or says anything that seems out of character to you, let me know. As long as we communicate, something like this should never have to happen again.”

-

By Friday, Alexa’s method of getting rid of her meds (harder at the hospital though not impossible), had proven to be a bad idea. Her anxiety was through the roof, and every time another patient screamed, which happened relatively often, she was rather disturbed by the sound.

At the announcement of her discharge, she had never been more excited to see Claudia and be on the other side.

Claudia greeted her outside the psych ward with a smile.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not saying that I’m looking forward to the orphanage, but anything is better than that.”

“You’re not going back there,” Claudia informed her, gesturing to the bag of Alexa’s things in her hand. “Come with me.”

Curious, Alexa followed her down to the lobby of the mental health center.

In the lobby, Lin was trying to contain his excitement as he waited for Claudia to return. Every time one of the elevator doors opened, he glanced over eagerly only to find someone else.

Finally there she was; Alexa by her side. There were huge bags under her eyes and bandages wrapped around each of her forearms, but he’d never been so happy to see her.

He watched as she caught sight of him, nearly sprinting in his direction.

She practically jumped into his arms. He caught her without hesitation, kissing the top of her head.

“Oh my god, what the fuck?! I thought I would never see you again! What are you doing—” she paused, stepping back. “Please tell me you’re here for me and not someone else.”

He laughed. “Yes, I’m here for you. You’re coming back to the heights with us.”

She hugged him again. “Oh my god… you scared me so much! What was with that speech you made?! It sounded like you knew you’d lost me! It scared the shit out of me!”

“Believe it or not, it actually helped get you back. Sorry for scaring you, though.”

Claudia carefully handed him the bag of her things.

“Take care of her.” she reminded him.

“Okay, first thing’s first, I’m going to take you out for lunch,” Lin announced once they’d left the hospital. “Anywhere you want to go. Vanessa won’t be home until later, and my mom is watching Sebastian, so we’ve got the afternoon to ourselves.”

“We should probably go pick up a prescription first,” she confessed. “There's a slight chance that I’ve been tossing my meds since I left you guys.”

Lin sighed.

“Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad. I’m glad you told me right away. Meds first, food second. Then when we get home, we should probably give you a new set of bandages.” he directed to her forearms.

“Yeah…” she glanced down at her arms. “Things kind of got fucked up when you left.”

“It’s okay if things get fucked up.” he reminded her. “Just as long as you’re ready to fix them. That starts with taking your meds _every_ day.”

She nodded. “I can agree to that.”


	8. Off Her Meds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lin and Vanessa get a sense of what Alexa is like when she's not on her medication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this took a long time. I apologize for that!  
> I was supposed to reveal this big plot line at the end of this chapter but then it would've ended up being 14,000 words instead of 7,000. It shall be revealed next chapter.

They got lunch, picked up her prescription and headed home together. Her Zoloft was prescribed to take once a day in the morning, leaving her without medication until the next day.

Lin elected to watch _The Little Mermaid_ in lieu of turning on the news when they got home, a welcome distraction from the constant talk about their family.  
Seeing her curled up on the couch in a blanket for the first time in a long time, he took to twitter.

_@Lin_Manuel: You are so loved and SO important._

_@Lin_Manuel: The Miranda family needs to take a personal day._

The second tweet included a photo, a shot of Alexa on the couch and highly engrossed with what was on TV.

As he continued to scroll through twitter, a few news outlets had released the information that the four boys seen on video the night of the assault had been released from custody and given a trial date. Though he was relieved they would be put on trial, the thought of them being out in the open was disappointing. Alexa didn't notice his reaction to this news, as her eyes never left the TV.

As the day went on, one constant remained: she never left the couch. She was fixated on the screen. She didn’t speak, she didn’t even shift, just remained in the same spot. Breathing; existing.

“I think I should take her to work with me,” Lin whispered into the phone from his office, calling Vanessa who was still at work to express his concerns.

“Is she still out there?”

Lin peeked out of his room and into the living room. “She hasn’t moved an inch.”

“Maybe this is how she processes.” she offered. “It’s the first time she’s been with us in a while. She could just be re-adjusting.”

“I mean, it can’t hurt to get a distraction, can it? I’m worried about her. I’ve never seen her like this.”

“Are you sure you want to bring her _there_ , though? It’s kind of an overwhelming environment.”

Lin shook his head. “It’s a place full of people who love and support her. She can hang back in my dressing room during the show. It’s just something else to do.”

Vanessa shrugged. “I guess.”

He hung up and stepped back out into the living room only to find Alexa in nearly the same position she was in before, this time holding one of Sebastian’s stuffed animals—a purple octopus.

“Hey Gen, what do you say we— _oh_.” he paused, taking in this new development. “Is that Sebastian’s?”

She tossed the toy across the room, it landing on the tile without a sound.

“Why can’t I remember anything about that night?” she asked, staring at the floor. “I thought being in familiar surroundings would help jog my memory but it hasn’t.”

“Come with me to the show tonight.” he offered, unable to answer the question. “Everyone wants to see you. They miss you.”

After a long pause, she stood up, pulling the blanket off of her shoulders.

“I should change.” she finally said.

“Maybe we should change your bandages too.” he offered, reaching for her arm.

“No, don’t touch me!” she pulled her hand away. The look of concern on Lin’s face centered her a bit as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I mean, they’re fine.” she insisted. “They put on new bandages right before I left the hospital. I’ll just change my clothes and we can leave.”

-

At the theatre, it seemed like everyone in the cast was so happy to see her again. They all greeted her with a smile or a hug, expressing how excited they were to have her back.

She had missed Lin’s dressing room, practically sprinting to the couch as soon as they got in. He laughed at the sight of her lounging as he set his stuff aside.

“I can’t wait to spend three hours playing _Red Dead Redemption_ while you work your ass off out there.” she quipped. “That’ll probably be the fondest memory I have of this place whenever you decide to leave.”

“Sounds good to me. I have to work on _Moana_ stuff in the meantime, so you’ll have to keep the sound off.”

 _Moana_ was an upcoming Disney animated film that Lin had been hired to help write songs for. He usually spent a few days a week working on _Moana_ a few hours before Hamilton, leaving Alexa to her own devices if she was with him.

She turned on the Xbox and television, making sure it was muted before spending an hour focused on the game. Lin had his headphones on, hard at work.

After an hour, the effects of deciding not to eat before leaving the house were haunting her as her stomach cried out in protest.

“Hey Lin,” she paused the game, glancing over at him. With his headphones on, he heard nothing.

There was a t-shirt of his nearby on the floor, which she balled up and tossed at him to get his attention.

“Wha—what?” he turned around in his chair, pulling his headphones off.

“Why didn’t you tell me to eat before we left? I’m starving.” she reminded him.

“I wasn’t sure I could get you to move, let alone eat.” He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took out a $20 bill, handing it to her along with his key card for entry back into the building. “Just get something and come back.”

Outside, there was already two lines of fans, one waiting on cancellation tickets, the others waiting to be let inside. Alexa passed by without a second thought, surprised when several of them called out her name.

She approaches a group of teenage girls cautiously. “You know who I am?”

“You’re Lin’s daughter.” one of them said.

“ _Everyone_ knows who you are.” another confirmed. “You’ve been all over the news since that guy like, sexually assaulted you.”

Alexa could hear her heart beating in her ears. She couldn’t manage an answer.

By now, most of the nearby fans in the line had caught wind of the conversation and were paying attention.

“What happened to your arms?” someone else asked, directing to the bandages on her wrist. "Did you self-harm?"

“Oh… uh—”

“That can't be it.” the first girl said. “I would never even think about self-harming if I was her. I would like, _die_ of happiness if Lin and Vanessa were my parents.”

The group of girls agreed.

Feeling incredibly overwhelmed, Lex turned away and headed down the street without a response. She grabbed one of her forearms, suddenly incredibly self-conscious of her bandages among the sea of Hamilton fans.

There was a food truck at the far end of the block that she headed to, ordering a lamb gyro and patiently waiting for it to be prepared.

As the man in the truck prepared her food, he stared at her regularly as if he’d seen her before. She wasn’t exactly comfortable with it, but only a block away from the theatre, she didn’t feel unsafe.

He finished her food and wrapped it up, taking her money and handing it the wrap to her.

“I know you!” he said as she began to walk away.

“What?”

“Yes, I see you all over the news! You’re the orphan girl! The white man raped you.”

Alexa looked down, embarrassed before starting to walk away.

“Don’t be sad!” he called out. “The white man rape everyone!”

Her heart was pounding fast again, her free hand balling into a fist. She had a sudden urge to scratch her forearms that her bandages prevented. She started to wonder if they were there for more of a preventative reason than a healing one.

As she walked back into the theatre, a few more fans called out her name. She ignored them—two incidents of being known as “the girl who got raped” was more than enough.  
She headed upstairs to Lin’s dressing room with change, which he rejected.

“No it’s okay, keep it. Hey, are you okay?”

The distraught look on her face caused his concern, a face she then tried to mask.

“What? No. I mean, yes. I’m fine.”

“Did something happen outside?” he pressed.

“I’m gonna go eat this in the kitchen.” she took the food with her downstairs to the kitchen area where a long empty table was waiting.

She couldn’t get the incidents from earlier out of her mind.

 _I’m a joke_ she thought. _A product of my tragedy._

Coming to terms with this managed to suppress her appetite. She tossed the food in the trash can nearby before waiting a few minutes and heading back upstairs.

-

Lin prepared to head onstage and left for places at seven, leaving Alexa behind in his dressing room.

Being alone wasn’t easy for her, as her thoughts became all too consuming voices in her head. She couldn’t shake the idea that everyone in the city knew her as some kind of tragedy. The feeling was harsh, upsetting, triggering. She desperately wanted to cut her bandages off and tear into the skin on her arms like she’d done before so many times but forced herself to resist the urge for as long as possible.

Toward the end of the first act, she found herself tapping on the desk in Lin’s dressing room furiously to fight her impulsive need for self-harm.

“Shit… fuck… _fuck_!”

Without medication, it was hard not to snap. Finally, she left the room, pushing past crew in the small hallway and into the costuming room. There was a table of supplies near the door, a pair of scissors close by.

When she returned to the dressing room, she opened the scissors and made a weak attempt at tearing her bandages off. When that failed, she began using her teeth to tear them off. Just then Jonathan Groff entered, still in costume from being onstage. Stepping into the dressing room to head to his own, he spotted Alexa sitting in the chair in front of the mirror and furiously scratching her forearms. There were spots of blood dripping onto her clothing as she reopened wounds that hadn’t yet healed, tears falling from her eyes while she sobbed periodically.

“Oh my god, Alexa, stop—”

He tried to deter her, distract her without getting too close. As if she couldn’t hear him, she pressed on. More blood, more tears. She was fighting every voice in her head by scratching harder, desperately trying to make her negative thoughts vanish.

“Oh shit…” Jonathan backed up to the door then, running out to look for someone, anyone to help.

Non-Stop had just started onstage, the music blaring over the backstage speakers and drifting behind the curtains.

He spotted Jasmine near one of the wings speaking to Anthony, who had just come off-stage from his final scene in the first act.

“Jas,” he pulled her away and toward Lin’s dressing room. “I need your help.”

Anthony followed close behind.

“What is it?” she asked, trying to pull her arm away.

“It’s Alexa. I don’t know how to help, but she won’t stop scratching her arms and there’s blood everywhere—I don’t know what to do.”

Jasmine stopped protesting and rushed ahead of Jonathan as they headed upstairs to Lin’s dressing room.

Alexa was still scratching when they came in, causing more damage alongside the scars that were there from beforehand.

“Lex…” Jasmine carefully approached her, softly placing a hand on her shoulder. “Honey, you need to stop scratching your arms."

Another sob erupted from the teenager’s chest as she continued to forcibly irritate her skin with no end in sight.

From the doorway, Anthony and John were watching closely.

“Jas, just grab her arms and stop her.”

“I don’t want to hurt her… or end up getting hurt,” she confessed.

The first act was nearing its end.

“Anthony, go find Lin as soon as he gets offstage,” she instructed, prompting him to run off to Lin’s exit point just in time for the song to end. There was a thunderous applause from the audience as the lights cut out, all of the actors headed in separate directions.

Anthony grabbed Lin as soon as he came through the door and rushed him toward the older man’s dressing room.

“Woah, what’s going on?”

“It’s Alexa.” was all he said.

Lin became suddenly frantic, following his co-star back to his dressing room.

Jasmine moved away toward the door when she saw Lin rush toward Alexa. He kneeled in front of her, holding onto both of her arms to force her to stop. There was blood staining his hands and the white cuffs of his costume, but he didn’t pull away.

She continued crying, burying her face in his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

“What is wrong with me?” she managed between sobs. He stroked her hair, shushing her in the hope that she’d eventually calm down.

By now most of the cast had gathered in the doorway watching this occur. He carefully shut the door to all of them, leaving only him and Alexa in the room.

There was plenty of blood on his costume at that point, though he was not deterred. After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door before the stage manager carefully opened it.

“Lin…” he whispered. “We just need to know if you’re going on in the second act. Javi’s on standby if you want to leave, but we’re 10 minutes to places and we need an answer now.”

Alexa hadn’t let go of him and seemed to have no desire to do so. She was shaking, her breath uneven.

He bit his lip, hesitant for a moment.

“I’ll leave.” he finally decided. “Put Javi on for act two.”

-

Within minutes, Lin had changed out of his costume. They used clean pieces of fabric from the costuming room as temporary bandages for Alexa’s wounds and they were in a cab headed uptown just after act two began.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” he asked, once they were safely headed home.

She was staring out the window, focused on the passing lights outside. She grabbed his hand for support before explaining the crowd outside and the guy in the food truck who had both managed to trigger her.

She could feel tears welling up in her eyes yet again.

“What the fuck.” she finally groaned, covering her face.

“I’m sorry,” he tried. “If I had known they would be there—”

“How is it fair that they know more about what happened to me that night than I do?” she demanded, her hands curling into fists.

“It’s not.” he conceded, rubbing her back supportively. “But this too shall pass. I think we all just need sleep.”

-

At home, Vanessa was already asleep.

Lin had gathered the hydrogen peroxide and bandages from the cabinet in the bathroom and prepared to tend to her wounds over the sink.

With his hair pulled back, he carefully removed the cloth covering her arms and poured the peroxide over the affected areas, letting it rid of any remaining bacteria.

Alexa was quiet, her face still red from crying beforehand.

After some silence, Lin offered a small smile.

“I know it’s hard,” he started. “I don’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I also know that you can fight. You’ll come out stronger on the other side.”

She sighed. “I’m tragedy-prone.”

“You are absolutely not.” he insisted, drying her arms off.

“You didn’t know me before I came here. Every person in my life might as well have been competing on who could fuck me up the most.”

He started to wrap a bandage around one of her arms.

“Well, you coming to live with Vanessa and me was no tragedy.”

“I know.” she nodded. “It almost feels like I don’t deserve it.”

“Lex,” he paused, making eye contact with her. “You deserve nothing but the absolute best. Just because you haven’t gotten it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“I deserved to get raped. That’s why it happened, isn’t it?”

“What happened to you happened because a bunch of immature, poorly-raised teenage boys couldn’t get girls to actually go on a date with them so they had to drug someone just to do anything. That was not your fault and you certainly did not deserve it.”

He finished bandaging one arm and started with the other.

“It’s hard not to feel that way sometimes, though.” she pointed out.

“Well, that’s something for us to work on then, isn’t it?”

He finished with the bandage and kissed the top of her head.

“You’ll come out on the other side of this, okay? You will, I promise.”

She nodded once in response.

“In the meantime, get some rest. Things will be easier to process once you’ve gotten a good night’s sleep.”

Lying in bed that night, however, Alexa couldn’t even consider rest.

As curiosity mixed with anger, she pulled out her laptop and searched for answers about what happened to her that fateful night.

Anger became horror as she was immediately presented with evidence—dozens of photos and videos of her being violated.

Horror kept her up through the night, tossing and turning as her mind clouded with the images.

The next morning, she trekked into the kitchen exhausted and still haunted by the images from last night. The bandages around her forearms had small spots of blood on them as reminisces of the night before. Lin was feeding Sebastian in his high chair and Vanessa was cooking over the stove. She turned the heat off when Alexa came in, hugging her suddenly.

It was the first time she'd seen the teen since her return. Though V was clearly excited to see her, Lex froze, unwilling to touch her foster mother let alone hug back.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Lin questioned, seeing the bags under her eyes. “You look exhausted.”

“I am not a product of my environment, but a product of my expectations.” she stated, rather poetically, in response.

It grabbed the attention of both parents.

“Are you okay?” Vanessa asked.

“Do you know how many videos there are of me getting raped online?” she managed through a yawn.

Their concern grew exponentially.

“You really shouldn't watch that.” Vanessa insisted. “I don’t think that's healthy—”

“I needed to know.” she insisted, flat. “No one was being honest with me. Everyone is afraid of scaring my or hurting my feelings. You have no idea what I went through before I even met you. I needed to know what happened.”

“We just put your breakfast on the table,” Lin announced, attempting to change the subject.

He pointed her toward the dining room. Sure enough, there was a lone plate in front of one of the chairs with eggs, bacon and half a bagel on it, a bowl of fruit and a glass of orange juice beside it.

While she headed over, Lin pulled a pill bottle from one of the cabinets and followed her.

She sat in front of the meal, still warm, as he sat beside her. He opened the bottle, sliding one pill out and placing it on the napkin her utensils were resting on.

A sigh followed.

“It's for your own good.” He kissed the top of her head. “You’ll feel a lot better, I promise.”

She picked it up slowly, placing it on her tongue before taking a swig of orange juice to wash it down.

“Good.” he nodded. “As long as you take your medication every day, things should be back on track by the time school starts next week.”

Though Alexa was hesitant to restart her routine medication, she could admit that things were looking up. Her sleep was more consistent, she had stopped self-harming, and her mental health had improved overall. She felt happier. So much so that when it was time to take her meds a week later, she figured missing a day wouldn't be a big deal. It was the same Saturday she had agreed to go on a shopping trip with Vanessa, who was eager to improve their relationship and ecstatic to do something together. Lin was attending a formal, red-carpet event that evening, leaving Lex and Vanessa on their own. Vanessa’s mother happily agreed to babysit Sebastian while they were out.

After a short time, Vanessa quickly realized that “We can go wherever you want.” may not have been the best thing to say as they headed out.

Alexa was opting for only the most expensive, high-end stores on the Upper East Side.

Vanessa stayed silent for fear of upsetting her daughter, but her credit card limits were becoming concerning the more Alexa spent.

Still, the teen had never been so happy and upbeat around her. She didn't want to mess that up.

-

After several stores and several thousands of dollars spent, they headed into a Valentino store when Alexa saw a red gown displayed in the window that she thought was gorgeous. She asked an associate to remove it so she could try it on.

There were small dressing rooms at the back of the store covered by curtains, one of which Alexa stepped into with the gown in hand.

Vanessa began conversing with the associate while her daughter was changing.

In the dressing room, Alexa was infatuated with the dress. The long sleeves covered the bandages on her arms—a feature she was particularly fond of. The dress boasted a low neckline and was particularly slimming. She didn't need much convincing to purchase it.

There was a tag hanging off the back of the dress that displayed an atrociously high price. One that she certainly couldn't afford, and one that she was sure Vanessa couldn't either.

Peeking out from behind the curtain, she could see Vanessa and the associate distracted looking at scarves.

Thinking quickly, she grabbed a pair of shoes from the many shopping bags that she’d carried in, slipping them on to replace her black flats. She grabbed her purse, leaving the other shopping bags behind and quietly made her way from the dressing room to the front door. She sprinted out, hailing a nearby empty cab and rushing into it.

An alarm went off by the door, alerting Vanessa and every sales associate that something had happened.

Vanessa glanced back at the dressing room, seeing an open curtain revealing Alexa’s clothes from earlier among a large group of shopping bags.

“Oh no…” her voice trailed off when she realized what Alexa had done.

“Ma’am, you’re going to have to pay for that dress.” the associate beside her was adamant. “If you don’t, we’ll have to call the authorities.”

Approaching the register, Vanessa could feel her hands shaking.

“Your total is seventeen eighty-four.” The young female associate held out her hand for a form of payment.

“Seventeen hundred?” Vanessa questioned, hopeful.

“Seventeen thousand.”

V pulled out her wallet, handing the female associate a credit card. She swiped it through, handing it back to the older woman.

“Declined.”

She pulled out another card, only to have the same result. A different male associate approached the two of them, asking what the concern was.

“Just call the police.” the female associate insisted. “Someone left with one of our display gowns.”

“Oh no, that won’t be necessary.” she pulled out a third card and handed it to the associate. “I’m sure one of these will work.”

With a smug look on her face, the associate handed it back. “That’s unlikely. Declined.”

Panicked, devitalized, she knew there was only one thing left that she could do.

“Let me call my husband.” she offered.

-

In midtown, Lin was arriving at a gala event when his phone began ringing. He answered it with a smile.

“Hey V, how’s it going? Are you guys getting along?”

“You need to come here right now.” Her voice was low and worrisome.

“What? Why?”

“I’m at a very expensive store and Alexa just ran out and hopped into a cab wearing a heinously expensive dress. You need to come here.”

Lin’s publicist began waving him inside, telling him to wrap up his phone conversation.

“I can’t leave now.” he insisted. “Just pay for it and we’ll go find her in a while.”

“Lin, you need to come here _right now_. They won’t let me leave unless someone pays for this dress.”

“You can’t just pay for it?”

“It’s too expensive.” she insisted. “If you show up we might be able to split the cost, but you have to come here.”

Lin sighed, glancing as his publicist who was growing increasingly frustrated.

“Where are you?”

“Madison between 68th and 69th.”

“I’m on my way.”

As Lin left the event and headed uptown, Alexa arrived just a few moments later, still in the gown.

She paid the cab driver and strutted out onto the red carpet, feeling elated and energized for someone who typically went out of their way to avoid being photographed.

They asked her who she was, to which she proudly replied, “Lin-Manuel Miranda’s daughter.”

When they asked her who she was wearing, she didn’t hold back.

“I just stole this Valentino dress and came here! I know, right? I look amazing.”

-

Lin arrived at the store within the hour, seeing his wife waiting by the register. She wasted no time filling him in on everything that had happened.

“She didn’t come back?”

Vanessa shook her head. “No. We have no idea where she went.”

“Your wife has had multiple cards rejected.” the associate chimed in. “My manager is prepared to call the authorities if neither of you can pay for the dress.

“Exactly how expensive is this dress?”

“Seventeen thousand dollars.”

“Oh,” Lin shrugged, pulling out his wallet and handing the card to the associate. “Is that it?” He turned to Vanessa, who was shocked at how calm he was over such an exuberant amount. “I thought you said it was heinously expensive?”

“It _is_.” she insisted, almost suspicious of how calm he was.

The card worked on the first try.

“ _This one_ works,” The associate gave a knowing look to Vanessa before returning the card to Lin along with a receipt.

“Clearly we know who makes the money in that relationship.” she whispered.

“What did you just say?” V demanded, clearly offended by the comment.

“Can I help you with anything else?”

“You’re sure you have no idea where she went?” Lin pressed, changing the subject.

Vanessa did not.

“I’ll try calling her.” he offered, pulling his phone out.

Still on the red carpet in midtown, Alexa pulled her ringing phone out of her purse in front of the photographers.

“I was just looking for you.”

Lin was relatively calm when she picked up, though his voice was slightly laced with frustration.

“Lex… where are you right now?”

“I’m at your event.” she informed him with a smile.

“You’re in Bryant Park right now?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at Valentino with Vanessa buying a seventeen thousand dollar dress that I have every intention of returning.”

Alexa couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, you had to buy it _for_ her? She couldn’t afford it?”

“That’s not important.” he insisted.

“Was she emasculated?” her voice seemed to raise an octave as if she was more excited by the thought. “Did she cry?! Oh, now I’m sorry that I left.”

“Lex… this isn’t funny.”

The photographers in front of her began calling out her name again.

“Hey, remember when I said I didn’t like attention?” she prompted to Lin over the phone. “I think that may have been the Zoloft talking. I didn’t take my meds this morning and honestly, I am _loving_ the attention I’m getting right now. These photographers can’t get enough of me. That might be because I told them I just stole this dress, though.”

“You didn’t take your meds?” Lin had immediately gone from frustrated to concerned. “You know what? Stay where you are. V and I are coming to get you, and then we’re going to have a really long talk about what just happened.”

“If you say so.”

With that, she hung up.

-

When the three of them finally arrived home that evening, tensions were high. While Vanessa still seemed upset about the money situation, Alexa was relaxed, lounging across the loveseat in the living room; still wearing the stolen gown.

“Okay so,” Lin opted to stand to present a firm parental stance, Vanessa beside him. “This did not go well today.”

“I agree.” Alexa insisted. “Vanessa, you seem really upset about this whole situation.”

Vanessa didn’t respond to her, still glaring at Lin.

“Where did you get that kind of money?” she demanded.

“V,” Still attempting to parent, Lin was confused to find out that his finances were the biggest of his wife’s concerns. “I think the more important question is why Alexa neglected to take her meds and then stole a seventeen thousand dollar dress and left you to pay for it.”

“Which she couldn’t, by the way.” the teen added, gleefully.

“Lex…” he warned.

“What? All I’m saying is that being a lawyer clearly doesn’t pay as much as being the guy who wrote _Hamilton_ does.”

Vanessa, still focused on her husband, pressed on. “When we first started dating, you were and English sub who had _nothing_. I paid the bills. I bought us dinner. Now you can drop seventeen grand like it’s nothing?”

“You were poor when you guys met?” Lex asked, genuinely surprised.

“So we both make a lot of money now!” he shot back, growing increasingly stressed with both conversations. “Why is that a problem? I thought that was the goal, V! I don’t understand why you’re so upset?!”

“I can’t picture it.” Lex continued. “I can only picture you making way more money than Vanessa like you obviously do now—”

Now equally frustrated with Lex’s behavior, they both cut her off.

“STOP doing that!” they said in unison.

“Doing what?”

“You trying to turn us against one another isn’t making this situation any better.” Lin insisted.

Finally, Vanessa seceded. “You need to talk to her about this without me here. I’m going to… sort out my finances in the meantime.” She headed toward her office. “This conversation isn’t over.”

“ _What_ conversation?!” Lin prompted yet again. Vanessa ignored him, though, leaving the room.

“I’ve honestly never seen someone so offended because their spouse makes more money than them.” Lex started once her mother had left. “What is she so afraid of? That you’re going to leave her for someone who needs financial help a la Maria Reynolds? Honestly, what a bitch.”

Lin took a breath. “Lex, you told me that you didn’t take your meds this morning.”

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why not? That was a part of our deal, remember? When we left the hospital last week, you told me you would take your meds every day.”

“I mean I was going to,” she tried. “It’s just… things have been going really well since then, and I figured skipping one day wouldn’t be that big of a deal.”

“You can’t just stop taking your medication because things are going well.” he reminded her.

“Why not? It isn’t that bad.”

“Because not taking your medication is causing you to make destructive decisions. Decisions like stealing a seventeen thousand dollar dress and leaving Vanessa behind to pay for it. Then calling her a bitch for no reason.”

“She is a bitch.” Lex insisted. “My saying it doesn’t make me a bad person.”

Lin was clearly frustrated and even angry at this point, an emotion he rarely ever felt.

“You would not be saying that if you knew how much work she put into getting you back here.”

The teen seemed surprised by this news. “Wait, what? She did?”

“Who do you think told me to write that speech? Vanessa came up with an incredibly thought out, specific plan that not only kept Claudia from getting wrongfully terminated but got you back to us. I was too defeated to do anything. I thought we had lost you forever. She worked tirelessly on getting you back, _while_ being a lawyer full time, _while_ being a mother to Sebastian, and _while_ keeping me from losing my shit because you were gone.”

Alexa was suddenly on edge—she’d never seen Lin like this before.

“Oh my god, you’re for real mad.”

“You would not even be back here if it weren’t for her. You have no idea what she went through to get you back, and you’ve done nothing but treat her like a second-class citizen for the last week.”

There were tears welling up in her eyes. Lin had taken on the role of the closest thing that Alexa had to a friend since she had been living with them. Having her only “friend” upset with her was a looming, uncomfortable feeling.

“Please don’t be mad at me.” she managed through tears. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. You could’ve handled this situation a lot more maturely than you did. You’re responsible for your behavior despite your mental illnesses, and you’re choosing not to take responsibility.”

The teen’s thoughts became overwhelming as her emotions rushed to the surface. She started sobbing, unable to hold back.

It took every ounce of power that Lin had to hold it together and not immediately comfort her.

“I’m not saying you have to be best friends with her, but you at least owe her an apology. However you decide to do that is up to you.”

She held a hand up to her neck, concern building. “Why is my heart beating so fast?”

Lin sat on the loveseat beside her and felt her pulse, confirming that it was faster than normal.

“You didn’t take your meds, and now you’re having a panic attack because I’m temporarily upset with your behavior. That’s not a rational response, _mija_. You need to take your medication properly.”

Her breathing became increasingly uneven. Lin managed to help her through the panic attack. When the worst was over, he stood up, off to handle pressing marital issues.

“I need to go talk to Vanessa. We’ll talk more tomorrow, okay? Change out of that dress—we’re returning it as soon as possible.”

-

Safely in Vanessa’s office with the door closed, Lin was hopeful to end their financial conversation on a good note.

“I need you to explain to me what about all of this is making you so upset.” he started, sitting on the small couch on the far end of the room. “I want to help, but I don’t know how.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes, turning in her desk chair to face him. “This isn’t about you helping, Lin.”

“Then what is it? If you’re upset about me spending that much, you know I have every intention of returning it, right?”

“I’m upset that you could afford that dress and I couldn’t.” she finally confessed. “It was embarrassing having all of my cards declined and then having to beg you to step in only to watch you pay for it on the first try.”

“Why is that embarrassing? We’re both financially stable. I don’t see how that could be bad—”

“We’ve _never_ been this way.” Vanessa reminded him. “Until Hamilton came to be, I always made more money than you and we were doing just fine.”

“You don’t make any less money now than you did then.” he pointed out. “I still don’t see what the problem is. Do you not want me to be successful?”

“No, that’s not it at all,” she moved from the chair and sat beside him on the small couch. “It’s just you being this financially stable. When I started dating you, I took comfort in the fact that I’d be making more money and would inevitably be the primary breadwinner. It was empowering. As a woman, I felt more in control and that was an amazing feeling. It’s not that I wanted any less for you.”

“Is making more money than me really _that_ important to you?” he asked, taken aback by her explanation.

“A little.” she confessed.

“I don’t-I can’t help you. _Hamilton_ is the most successful thing that I’ve ever created and I can’t shut down the production just because you’re feeling insecure about money.”

“That’s not what I’m saying—” she tried.

“I thought we were in this together, V?”

“We are!” she insisted.

Lin could sense that their conversation was headed toward rising tension. He hoped to stop it before that happened.

“Today was a long day,” he insisted. “I think we should sleep on it and talk about it tomorrow.”

Vanessa nodded slowly, staying behind as Lin stood up and left her office.

-

The next day, Lin made absolutely sue that Lex had taken her medication.

The teen spent most of the day stressed out, after spending hours attempting to find a way to apologize to Vanessa. She didn’t know much about the woman—she was a chemical engineer and a lawyer; she was married to Lin; she had one son and Alexa, who’d been treating her poorly since the day they met.

She headed downtown in search of something to buy to make things up to her mother.

She opted to step inside a bookstore, hoping a title would catch her eye. There were an array of titles that seemed interesting, but nothing quite right for an apology.

In the children’s section, she came across one book that seemed promising. She purchased it promptly and headed back uptown.

At home, Vanessa was in the living room hard at work on her laptop over a case. Alexa approached her carefully, sitting on the far end of the couch.

She took the book out and placed it on the coffee table in front of them, using her hand to slowly slide it toward Vanessa.

Vanessa glanced at the book and then at her daughter, who elected to stare at the ground rather than make eye contact.

The book was titled _Rosie Revere Engineer_ , a nod to one of Vanessa’s many skills.

“What is this?” she asked, calmly.

“ _Rosie Revere Engineer_.” Lex stated, blushing. “It’s about a girl who wants to create things. It teaches the importance of failure. I don’t think Sebastian is old enough to understand it yet but when he is, you could always read it to him. I know you’re a chemical engineer, but there are no children’s books about chemical engineers.”

“Okay…” Vanessa was still cautious as if she half-expected things to suddenly go wrong.

Alexa shifted, clearly uncomfortable as she tried to speak her mind.

“I um… I take out a lot of my mom issues on you and I… I shouldn’t do that.”

There was silence as she groaned, rubbing her face as she struggled to get the words out. Vanessa waited patiently for her to continue.

“The first mom that I remember having was really sexually abusive. She kind of fucked up moms for me. I’m kind of just now coming to terms with the fact that I don’t have to take that stress trauma out on every mother figure that I have.”

Again, silence.

“I’m… sorry. For what I did yesterday and how I’ve been acting towards you. It’s not easy for me to warm up to you, but I want to try.”

Vanessa managed a small smile. She tried to put a hand on Alexa’s shoulder, but the teen moved away, rushing to the far side of the room.

“I’m not there yet.” she insisted. “I hope you don’t take it personally. It’s not your fault, I swear.”

Her mother nodded slowly. “I understand. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

Vanessa wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw a smile on her daughter’s face.


	9. Tragedy-Prone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Autumn in New York has arrived and school has started for everyone including Alexa. Unfortunately, that's not the only thing that has started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, kids: this whole concept started with an idea that is finally brought to life in this chapter. Tread lightly.
> 
> Oh, and there are a LOT of spanish curse words in here. I apologize if they're wrong, I don't actually speak spanish and had to look it up.

September in New York meant the start of school. The slight excitement Alexa had was shadowed by the overwhelming fear of seeing the boys who violated her that night again. Still, she pushed on.

“There’s no shame in being homeschooled until we can transfer you to Brearley next semester.” Lin offered that morning while en route to the school.

“I’m not going to rot in that apartment for the next four months, Lin. I need to do this.”

She had on a plaid green skirt, a white polo, black stockings, and a long sleeve green cardigan. This was within the required uniform standards Alexa carefully adjusted the sleeves of her cardigan to make sure they were covering the bandages on her arms while staring up at Lin from the chair on the subway. The train was packed, full of others headed to work or school that morning.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, glancing down at her, attempting to read her face. She rolled her eyes, a light smile.

“Remember what Dr. Montgomery said?” she reminded him of the doctor’s appointment they’d been to the day before.

“As long as you take your meds as needed, you’ll be fine.” he repeated.

Alexa carefully pulled a full pill bottle of Zoloft out of her messenger bag, She took one pill and washed it down with a sip of water from a plastic bottle that she’d been holding on to. “I took my meds today, okay? So stop panicking. You’re more worried than I am.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Would you like one?” she offered, smirking.

“Very funny.” he glanced out the train window in search of a number as the train slowed to a halt.

“This is our stop.”

-

They arrived at the school shortly after.

“Okay, I gave you a free ‘worried parent’ pass to travel with me to school this morning. Your pass has now expired.” She gave him a light pat on his arm. “You no longer have permission to escort me to school.”

“Do I have a hug pass?”

“Those can only be redeemed at home or _not_ ten feet from my school.”

Lin hugs her anyway, kissing the top of her head.

“Why do I make rules if you’re just going to break them?” she demanded, feeling him laugh against her.

The laughing stopped however as he saw Eric approach the school after exiting his town car. There was a smaller more sheepish boy by his side, looking slightly on edge, though Eric being beside him seemed to ease his tension slightly.

Alexa caught a glimpse of what had made Lin so serious, feeling a wave of fear wash over her as he looked their way.

He approached them then, the smaller boy beside him.

“You really shouldn’t be over here,” Lin started, stepping in front of his daughter. “It’s dangerous. I wouldn’t want something to happen to you.” 

“Lin,” she stepped in between them, facing her father. “You can’t threaten someone my age. No matter how much they genuinely deserve it.”

“Ease off, _George Lopez_ ,” Eric started. “I’m here to apologize.”

They both stared straight at him, taken aback by his words. Frustrated, he glared at the younger boy beside him who nudged him forward, urging him to continue.

“Sorry for…” he sighed, glancing in another direction. “Hurting you a month ago. I was a jerk and you didn’t deserve it.”

“ _Hurting_ me?” she shot back. “That’s the best you can do?”

Alexa glanced at the boy beside him, who seemed to be curiously fixated on Lin.

“Is that your conscious?” she asked, directing to the younger boy. “He’s not large enough for you to compensate.”

Eric was enraged then, stepping close to her and leaning in.

“Don’t talk about my little brother, okay? I apologized, so get off my back.”

“ _Did you_ apologize? Is that what they call an apology where you’re from?”

“Oh my god, you’re Lin-Manuel Miranda!” Grabbing everyone’s attention beside Eric was the smaller boy, pushing past the two teens to stand directly in front of the older man.

“I listen to _In the Heights_ like, _religiously_. I mean I did, before _Hamilton_ came out. Now I listen to that religiously. I’m Daxton,” he took Lin’s hand, shaking it furiously. It’s an _honor_ to meet you!”

“Th-thank you?” Lin politely smiled back.

“What the fuck is _In The Heights_?” Alexa demanded, receiving a confused look from both Lin and Daxton.

“Only his first musical and winner of Tony award for best musical of 2008! I was friends with this boy at my old school who was like—well he was Spanish—and we would always spend weekends at his place where he would try to rap all of Usnavi’s lines. It was amazing. You’re amazing.”

“You have _another_ musical?” she asked, prompting another confused look from Lin.

Alexa glanced at Daxton, at Eric, and then back to Daxton.

“Oh my god.” she finally said. “Your brother came out and you gained a conscious.”

“Shut up.” Eric shot back.

“Eric and I have been trying to get tickets for Hamilton since it started at the Public. Right Eric?” he nudged his older brother eagerly.

“Dax really likes the show—” he tried.

“ _Me_?! You sing Yorktown in the shower like every night!”

“Oh my _god_.” Alexa stifled her laughter, Lin doing the same.

He kissed the top of Alexa’s head again. “Have a good day.”

“You’re gonna have to be more genuine if you want to see that show, Eric.” Daxton folded his arms, glaring knowingly at his brother.

“Okay well… We should go.” Eric lead his brother away, glaring at Alexa who only smirked back.

This would serve as the highlight of her morning, a morning otherwise full of being called a _slut_ or being told that she deserved it while walking in the hallways.

“Hey, how much for a lap dance?” Across the hallway from her locker, someone tossed a wad of dollar bills at her to a chorus of laughter.

 _And to think Lin and V are paying $47,000 a year so that I can get treated like this_ she thought, closing her locker and kicking the wad aside as she headed to her first class.

The class was small, quiet when she walked in. She recognized no faces, a relieving fact.

It was AP US History, a class she was destined to fly through—at least partially.

“Sorry, I’m late!” A small, blonde, white woman who could’ve easily passed for a student rushed in, papers in one hand and coffee in the other. “Mama needed a little pick me up before class started.” She shook her paper coffee cup.

There were a few chuckles, though most of the students didn’t find it amusing.

“Okay well, welcome to AP US History. I’m Dr. Rhodes, but you can call me Annie, and this year we’ll be learning how our country came to be. Included in that learning will be a single chapter on Civil Rights that’s only short because this book was written by a bunch of white people.” she laughed, prompting no reaction from her students but a small smile from Alexa, the only non-white person in the room.

“Let’s start with attendance.” she pulled out a single paper from the stack in her hand, listing off each name one by one until she got to Alexa.

“Alexa Jordan?” she asked. Alexa raised her hand.

“The same Alexa Jordan who’s the daughter of that _handsome gentleman_ who wrote Hamilton?”

“Uh… Yeah?” she laughed, feeling the other students’ eyes on her. “I guess?”

“You know I was a TA when I was getting my masters at Yale… They’ve got a _lot_ of love for Hamilton over there. Several of his original documents stored away. I think you and your _mancandy_ father would have a lot of interest in that.”

There was an awkward silence.

“In fact, let’s all go! Road trip!”

More silence.

“No? No Hamilton fans here? You guys are missing out. That show is AMAZING—”

“Okay, can we actually talk about something important?” A girl in the back interrupted.

“Well _excuse me_ ,” Dr. Rhodes glanced at the attendance list again to find the girl’s name. “Hazel! I hate to admit it but you’re right. Let’s get started with the rape, pillage, and murder of hundreds of thousands of Native Americans when the white man first arrived here by ship.”

At the end of APUSH, she headed to her locker only discover an array of papers taped to the front.

“Oh great, another smear campaign.” She thought, starting to tear them off. A quick glance at one, however, changed her perspective.

_Sign up for the Drama Club!_  
_This year, with special permission_  
_We’ll be producing a production of_  
_Hamilton:_  
_An American Musical_  
_by Lin-Manuel Miranda_

She glanced at each of the posters, all of them identical. _A safe way to pander_ she figured. With no friends and virtually no one to talk to, she essentially had nothing to lose. She’d made a mental note to head to the school theatre at the end of the day.

She caught a glimpse of Eric headed down the hallway toward her that made her shiver involuntarily. He made a passing comment at another girl that Alexa couldn't hear. Her retaliation, however, was loud and clear.

“ _¡No me jodas_ , Westly!” she shouted, loud enough for everyone in the hallway to hear. “At least I don’t have to drug people to get them to have sex with me. _¡Chinga tu madre_!”

“Like anyone would ever want to sleep with you. Don’t you have houses to clean?” he shot back, rolling his eyes. He didn't stop to converse but continued walking down the hall.  
“That’s right _pinche puta_ , keep walking!”

When he approached Alexa, she froze. Though she had stood up to him that morning, the harsh fear that came up whenever he approached didn't seem to go away. Without Lin, she was alone.

The last time she was alone with him, it didn't end well.

“Oh hey, looks who’s all alone with no daddy to defend them.”

He grabbed her arm forcefully, holding tight despite her attempts to pull away.

He leaned in close, paralyzing her with fear.

“Can I get you anything?” he whispered, recalling what he had said to her that night. “A drink? Maybe something a little more exciting?”

His grip on her arm tightened. She was struggling to manage a response as she continued to attempt to free herself.

“What do you feel like swallowing?” he recited.

There was a sudden jolt as the other girl shoved Eric away from her.

“You wanna fight someone?” she shoved him toward the lockers. He was clearly intimidated though he tried to hide it. Despite him being a few inches taller, the girl overpowered him in overall strength.

“Fight me, bitch!” she continued. “My father is a professional wrestler! I dare you to come at me. _¡Besa mi culo, puto!_ ”

She had him wedged between herself and the lockers. Seeing him clearly shaken up was enough to get Alexa to take a sigh of relief. She moved away from the scene until her back hit the lockers on the other side of the hallway. When there was nowhere else to go, she slid down to the floor, watching the scene unfold.

“Whatever,” he tried to brush it off. “I don’t need to fight you. It would be a waste of my time.” he managed to fight his way out of the small space and fast-walk down the hallway.

“This isn’t over, _Pendejo_!”

She barely noticed the girl offering to help her up as she sat on the ground, processing what had just happened.

“ _Cabron_ ,” the girl remarked, watching Eric walk off as she offered Alexa a hand. She took it, slowly pulling herself up.

The girl was Latina (unlike every other student besides Lex it seemed), unmistakably tall and rather muscular, but ever confident with herself.

“Thank you,” she finally said, brushing her skirt off. “He’s um… he’s kind of intimidating.”

“ _Ay_ , no, You wouldn’t say that if you saw the way he cried like _un bebé_ when he was being pulled away in a cop car from that party last month.” she chuckled.

Alexa’s eyes lit up at the thought. “Wait, you were there?”

“No, but it was on New York One the next morning.” she chuckled at the memory. “ _Lo que es un bastardo_.”

The shorter teen almost felt kind of stupid for being so afraid of him. The other girl picked up on that.

“ _Amiga_ , I’m sure he really fucked you up. He’s a _pendejo_ and you’re allowed to handle that however you do. Just don’t let him steal your light. He doesn’t fucking deserve it.”

A small smile formed on Alexa’s face. “That was really profound.”

She shrugged. “ _Si_ , I know, I’m like a fucking latina Shakespeare.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”

Lex suddenly realized she may have been coming on too strong and felt the need to explain herself.

“I mean since you’re the only person at this school who hasn’t called me a slut so far and we hate the same person so I figured—”

“Camila.” she cut her off. “Call me Cami.”

“Cami,” Alexa repeated. “Okay.”

“Relax _amiga_ , if you hang around me, everyone will be way too afraid to call you a _puta_.”

That afternoon, Alexa ventured to the basement where the theatre was located. As she opened the door to the house, she was overwhelmed by the large population of fair skinned students. As she herself was half black, she stuck out like a sore thumb as she had all day that day.

There were several glances in her direction as she entered to room, most of them other girls staring curiously. She sat in the last row, hoping to remain out of sight.

As she sat, she bumped into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” she quickly apologized, glancing up at the stranger.

The _cute_ stranger. The stranger whom she happened to recognize from her AP US History class that morning.

He had short brown hair, a clean-shaven, cute face and wasn’t particularly thin or muscular, a fair mix of both. At least, that’s what she could gather from under white dress shirt and tie.

He seemed to be fixated on her features as well—her light brown eyes, her curly jet black hair, her smile which was in full force.

“It’s okay.” he finally said, a smile forming. “I’m sure you’ve been getting much worse treatment all day.”

“You don’t even know.”

He offered his hand. “I’m Dan.”

“Alexa.”

“Alexa,” he paused, taking in her features once again. “I know I literally just met you, but is there any chance you would want to grab coffee after this? I know a place around the block.”

“Uh…” she paused, glancing around at the other students. “Just us?”

“Well… Yeah.”

She glanced down at her phone briefly, taking note of the time. She had promised Lin that she’d be home by 3, and it was already 2:45.

“Sure.”

_Are you home yet, mija?_

As Alexa moved above ground after the meeting had ended, she received a very telling text message from her father.

_Hanging out with a friend. I’ll be home for dinner._

As soon as the message had sent she turned her phone on do not disturb, wanting to give Dan her full attention.

She did just that as they sat at the cafe around the corner.

“So where are you from?” he asked, once they had ordered.

“I was born in Florida, but I mostly grew up in rural Alabama.”

“Y—” he glanced at her briefly, waiting for the punchline of a joke. “Really?”

She nodded. “Exciting, I know. The south is already bad enough if you’re black let alone adopted, but I moved around a lot ended up in New York over the summer.”

“Oh, like, in foster homes?” he asked. “I’m sorry if that’s weird to ask—”

“I’m not ashamed of my past.” she crossed her legs under the table, her ballet flat grazing his leg. “Just grateful that my current foster parents stepped in when they did.”

“Right, yeah.” he smiled.

A waitress stopped at their table, setting their cups of coffee in front of them.

“My story isn’t nearly as interesting.” he started, taking a sip of his own. Just grew up in Williamsburg. Still in Williamsburg.”

“Oh, Williamsburg! That’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to go there. I heard it’s supposed to have like… The best coffee in the world.”

“It definitely beats out this Manhattan crap.” he quipped, receiving a steady laugh in response.

“My mom mostly works mostly across the country as a producer and my dad’s a musician.” Dan continued. “He’s on tour pretty often, so he’s out a lot too. It’s just me and my fourteen-year-old sister Rebecka.”

“On tour, huh? Anyone I’ve heard of?” she added a touch of sugar to her coffee, using a spoon to stir it in.

“I don’t usually like to talk about it…” he started, blushing.

“It can’t be worse than being related to the guy who wrote _Hamilton_.” she pointed out with a smile.

“It’s uh… it’s George Abrams.”

Alexa nearly dropped the cup that she was carefully holding in both hands. “Your dad is _George Abrams_? He’s like a 90’s rock _legend_.”

Dan shrugged, still blushing. “He’s just my dad.”

“Right,” she nodded slowly. “No, that’s cool. I mean I can’t even begin to relate your experience to mine. You were kind of born with a famous parent. I obviously didn’t have the same experience.”

“You get used to it after a while. Although I will admit, some of the stuff that he has collected from his world tours over the years is insane. You should come by and see it one time.”

“That would be awesome.” Her hand instinctively reached for her curls, a move that typically only occurred when she was flirting.

 _Am I flirting_? she asked herself, glancing carefully across the table at Dan. He was all smiles, his eyes fixated on her.

 _I guess it can’t hurt_ she concluded, placing her other hand flat on the table in hopes that he would take the bait. He did, reaching his own hand out to graze hers.

A shrill ringing sound emerged from her messenger bag and interrupted them.

“Sorry,” she pulled away, frustrated, digging for her phone.

It was Vanessa calling.

“ _What_?” She demanded, obviously upset.

“I need you to pick up Sebastian from daycare.” Vanessa started, disregarding Alexa’s irate tone of voice.

“I’m in the middle of something.”

“Lex, I’m serious. I need your help here.” her mother insisted. “It would mean a lot if you could do this.”

“I just told you I’m in the middle of something! Have Lin do it.”

“He went to the theatre early. You told me you wanted to start relating to me more—this is a great way to start.”

Alexa rolled her eyes as she hung up, tossing her phone back into her bag.

“Is everything okay?” Dan asked, watching her put her things together.

“Not really… I have to go.”

“Oh,”

“Yeah, my foster dad and I are really close. With my foster mom, however… it’s a work in progress. I need to go pick up their son. I’m really sorry.” She pulled out her wallet, tossing a ten dollar bill on the table.

“It’s okay, I’ll just see you at school tomorrow.” he stood up.

“Yeah, of course.” She hugged him, kissing his cheek as she pulled back. “See you tomorrow!”

-

The next morning was an uncomfortable one. Alexa awoke nauseated, bloated, and triggered by the smell of breakfast cooking.

As she left her room that morning dressed for school and headed to the kitchen, an all too peppy Lin greeted her, singing at the top of his lungs.

“Goooooood mooooorrrrrniiiing, Gen! Happy second day of schooooooool!”

“Dude,” she groaned, setting her bag down on the table as she sat. “Please.”

“Wouuuuuld you like some breeeeaaakfast?” he offered, directing to the pan he was busy cooking with.

Alexa dry heaved, disgusted at the sight of bacon frying in the pan.

“I’ll pass, thanks.”  
“It’s the most important meal of the day!” he reminded her, holding up a piece of bacon with the pair of tongs in his hand.

“Seriously, I’m fine. That smells disgusting. My digestive system has been terrible lately.”

“Oh speaking of,” he paused, placing the bacon onto a plate nearby and turning the stove off. “Have you done your treatment since you got out of state care?”

Alexa groaned. “I did it just before I left.”

“That was almost two weeks ago.” he pointed out. “You’re supposed to do it twice a week.”

“I’ve been... busy.” she insisted. “Readjusting to life back at home and starting school… my immunodeficiency hasn’t been a priority.”

“It has to be. No wonder your stomach is so messed up.”

“My stomach is always messed up.” she pointed out.

“You know what I meant.” he paused, placing the bacon onto a plate nearby and turning the stove off.

“If you’re done lecturing me on my health, can I go to school now?”

“I’m not done,” he took a piece of bacon from the plate, taking a bite and offering some to her. She quickly refused. “It’s unrelated but important. Vanessa told me about yesterday—”

“You mean how she _insisted_ that my go pick Sebastian was somehow going to improve our relationship?”

“Not the words I would’ve used, but yes.”

“I was busy. I was having coffee with a new friend and she kind of ruined it.”

“Lex, V is doing her best to relate to you, but it can be tough sometimes. You and I had plenty of time to get to know each other over the summer at the Public. Give her a chance to do the same. She’s a great mother.”

She shook her head. “I don’t do well with mom’s.”

“Did something happen in the past?” he curiously pressed.

“Nothing that I’m willing to discuss over bacon.”

“Vanessa’s _nothing_ like that.” he insisted. “She’s the kindest, most genuine person I’ve met. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Alexa rolled her eyes.

“You gave me a chance and you said you’d be willing to do the same for her.”

“Maybe I’m not there yet.”

“You guys could bond over something you have in common.”

“Yeah, you always know how I talk about wanting to be an engineer.” she rolled her eyes again, the sarcasm thick.

“Hey, you and V both love frozen yogurt… maybe you could go get some together.”

She dry heaved again. “Could we not talk about food right now?”

Before he could respond, she rushed off to the bathroom.

Hunched over the toilet, she vomited once, followed by several dry heaves.

As she stood up, preparing to re-brush her teeth, she saw Lin standing in the doorway in the mirror.

“Are you okay?” he asked, a concerned look on his face.

“Never better.” she quipped, reaching for her toothbrush. “I think I’m gonna skip breakfast.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t go to school today.” he suggested.”

“Lin, she started. “I’ve gone to school in much worse condition. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay…” He walked back down the hallway towards the kitchen. “But if you want to go home, just give me a call! And remember what I said about Vanessa!”

-

The train ride to school that morning was almost unbearable. Partially because of nausea, but also because certain muscles in her body had become overwhelmingly tender. Her messenger bag sat uncomfortably on her shoulder, heavily irritating her chest. By the time she had reached her destination, her symptoms had not improved. She slowly trudged to her locker only to find Dan waiting there to greet her.

“Hey,” he smiled before getting a closer look at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I thi—” her sentence was cut short by the feeling of bile rising in the back of her throat. She rushed to the bathroom across the hall, locking herself in the handicapped stall before releasing the containments of her stomach—which wasn’t much—into the toilet. She hunched over, feeling the cramps in her torso worsen as her stomach contracted.

When it was over, she was on her knees, her hair carefully hung on the outside of the seat.

She sighed, standing up and moving towards the sink to wash her face.

When Dan saw her exit the bathroom, he offered his only unopened bottle of water. She graciously accepted.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

“I’m pretty sure like ninety percent of what just came out of me was stomach acid, but yeah I’m fine.”

“Good.” he pulled a ten dollar bill from his pocket, the same one that Alexa had left on the table the day before. “Hamilton’s glad to hear that.” He handed the bill to her.

“What is this?”

“You dropped it yesterday.” he reminded her.

“Yeah… to pay for my coffee.”

“I took care of it. Here, you can keep it.”

“Dan…” She attempted to hand the bill back. “It’s fine. I can pay for my own coffee.”

“I know, but I took care of it.” He thought back to her rush to the bathroom earlier, eager to change the subject. “You should probably eat something before class. At least it’ll keep the stomach acid down.”

“Come with me?” she asked. Dan nodded and they made their way to the dining hall. Inside was an array of breakfast options that were certainly worthy of a hefty tuition. With it came an overwhelming aroma that made Alexa dry heave as soon as she stepped in the room. She stepped back out to avoid worsening the feeling.

“I think I’m just gonna go to class,” she suggested. “I’ll see you around.”

At noon, the cramps had seceded while the other symptoms worsened. While the other students entered the cafeteria for lunch, Alexa stood outside.

The smell was unbearable. She had no desire to get sick for a third time that day and gave in, headed to the nurse’s office.

She’d listed off her symptoms, the bloating, nausea and vomiting, the fatigue, the cramps, and the muscle tenderness. The nurse, a middle-aged white woman who managed to look consistently bitter, visibly rolled her eyes in response.

“Are you sexually active?” she asked, reaching into her desk.

“No.”

The nurse glanced up at her. “Miss, I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.”

“I’m _not_ ,” she shot back. Being a virgin wasn’t exactly something she wanted to brag about, but it was true.

The nurse pulled a small cardboard box out of her desk, handing it to the teen.

“Go to the restroom, follow the instructions on the box, and bring it back when you’re done.”

The box clearly read _Pregnancy Test_ across the front, which made it clear to Alexa that the nurse didn’t believe her.

“Whatever.” She scoffed, bringing the test with her.

In the tiny bathroom stall, she removed the test from its packaging and stared back it. It was taunting her with its simplicity. 

She removed the cap on the far end, carefully sliding it between her legs and using it as instructed. The results were still pending as she capped the test and walked back to the nurse’s office.

A change on the display alerted them to the results, a plus sign.

“You’re pregnant.” the nurse announced unenthusiastically.

“This is a joke.” Alexa rolled her eyes back. “You clearly don’t know what you’re doing. I told you I’ve never had sex. That test is probably defective. It looks older than you.”

“I can’t say we’ve had a pregnant girl at Columbia Prep before, but I suppose there’s a first for everything. Especially considering your…” she paused. “Situation.”

“What situation?” Alexa demanded, glaring at the nurse. “That I’m black, that I was adopted two months ago, that I live in the heights or that my parents are Latinx and therefore _unfit_?”

The nurse ignored the question, unwilling to put her job at risk. “If you’re still feeling sick, I can call your parents and have one of them come get you. Just move to the cot over there.”

“ _Racist_.” she muttered under her breath, angrily grabbing her bag as she made her way to the cot on the far end of the room.

-

“Okay let’s skip ahead to light cue 145, sound cue 11, and stage cue 78.”

At the Richard Rodgers theatre, the cast and crew were changing up some of the show’s lighting cues a few hours before the afternoon matinee at 2 pm. The stage manager was hard at work, directing everyone through the motions so that they could enter the correct cues into their system.

The actors were still, silent onstage waiting for direction while the lighting technicians were quietly discussing the correct cues upstairs. In the midst of a silence, there was a loud ringing noise, someone’s cell phone.

Tommy Kail, working alongside the show’s stage manager, glanced up at the stage for the source of the sound. “Who didn’t turn their phone off?”

All of the actors onstage glanced at one another briefly. Once Lin realized it was his phone, he blushed.

“Oh shit, my bad!” he pulled his phone out. “That was me.”

Hesitating for a moment, he glanced at the call not recognizing the strange number and picked it up. “Hello?”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “Take five, everyone. Lin has a _very_ important phone call to take.”

Everyone else left their positions.

“Sorry, who am I speaking with?”

The voice of an older white woman greeted him, making it clear that she was unsure of how to properly pronounce his name and wasn’t going to bother to try.

“This is Lin-Manuel Miranda, who is this?”

“I’m the nurse at Columbia Prep. Your daughter Alexa is in the infirmary with me and she needs to be picked up. She’s been vomiting all day and—”

The nurse paused. While it may have been practical to inform him of the pregnancy test, she wasn’t sure it was her place to do so. From the other side of the room, Alexa sat up from her curled fetal position. She waited, holding her breath, to see if the nurse would say anything.

“Well, she’s not feeling well.”

“Is she okay?” he demanded, the concern in his voice catching the attention of those in the theatre. “Did anyone get hurt?”

“No sir, not mentally. She’s just physically ill.”

“Oh,” he took a sigh of relief that he wasn’t proud of. The fact that he was so sure she’d had a mental breakdown that involved another student getting hurt was nothing if not slightly unsettling. He was grateful that wasn’t the case. “So she’s with you?”

“Can I talk to him?” Alexa demanded, interrupting their conversation.

“She wants to talk to you.” the nurse announced as Alexa slowly walked back toward the desk.

“Hey, Lin.”

“Hey kiddo, still not feeling well?”

“I must have a 24-hour virus or something. My hormones are off.” she glared at the nurse. “I think I should sleep it off."

“I’ll come and get you.” he offered, already headed to his dressing room to pick up his things.

“What? No, you’re at work. I’ll just sleep in the nurse's office until school ends. You shouldn't leave, it’s too important.”

“Too late, I’m already leaving.” He threw everything he needed into his bag before slinging it over his shoulder and heading toward the exit. “Stay put. I’ll be there soon.”

There was a number of questioning looks he received on his way out.

“Lex is sick.” he explained to the stage manager, who seemed suddenly concerned.

“Oh, is she…” he paused, pretending to scratch his arms.

“Oh, no.” he was quick to reassure them that this wasn't a mental breakdown similar to the one she’d had a little over a week beforehand. “She’s just been throwing up all day. I’m gonna go get her. Put Javi in for the rest of the run through. I should be back for the matinee.”

Lin opted for a cab uptown, arriving promptly and heading to the infirmary to find his daughter curled up on a cot at the far end of the room.

When she heard him come in, a look of concern crossed her face.

“What are you doing here?”

“I told you I was coming.”

Alexa glanced at the nurse, who seemed confused at their exchange. She lowered her voice to a whisper.

“I thought we agreed you weren’t coming because work is more important?”

“We never agreed on that because it isn't true,” he whispered back. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

“But…” she seemed desperate for answers. “Work is _always_ more important.”

It was clear that something had triggered her, though Lin wasn’t sure what it was.

“Little girls who stay home from school get punished.” the thought passed through her consciousness as if she’d heard it yesterday, though she hadn't heard the phrase in years.

Suddenly she backed away from him, up against the wall.

“I’m fine. I’m not sick. I’ll go to class. I’m sorry for making you come all the way over—”

“Hey,” he sat beside her on the cot, trying to interrupt her thoughts for a moment. “You didn’t make me come here. I wanted to come, okay? I’ll take you home and you can sleep it off.”

As expected, her medication helped her calm down a lot faster than she would typically be able to on her own. She paused for a moment.

“I promise, nothing bad will happen to you,” he reassured her. “We’ll go home, you can get some sleep and hopefully you’ll start to feel better.”

“You promise?” she pressed, still hesitant.

“I promise.”

She grabbed his hand for support, following him out of the infirmary and to the cab waiting outside.

“Just hang out here. I’ll make you some tea.” As they got home a few minutes later, Lin helped her over to the couch, putting a blanket over the length of her body before moving away to the kitchen. She had calmed down significantly on the car ride home, taking long calming breaths to ease her anxiety.

“So did the nurse say exactly what was wrong with you?” he questioned from the kitchen.

“Uh,” Alexa paused. While she was certain she wasn’t pregnant, having never had sex, she wasn’t too open to the idea of sharing everything that happened with him. “Nothing useful.” she finally said. “Just offered to call you.”

“You’re right, that isn’t very useful.” He placed the full kettle on the stove, before turning on the burner and returning to the couch to sit beside her. “Maybe we should take you back to the doctor.”

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Hopefully they’re better at their job than that shitty nurse is.”

“Are you hungry? Did you eat at school?”

She shook her head before placing a pillow underneath it to protect her neck. “The smell of everything made me want to vomit.”

“Hold on,” he stood up, headed back to the kitchen. “I think Vanessa bought saltine crackers last week.”

Digging through the pantry, he found a small box of saltines in the back with the package half empty. He grabbed the whole thing, handing it to her.

“That’s all we have, but I’ll go pick up some more—”

Alexa made a noise of protest, turning onto her stomach. “You should go back to work. That’s more important.”

The kettle began to whistle, calling Lin to attention before he could respond.

“Lex, do you want anything in your tea?”

“A spoonful of honey please.”

“Got it.” He prepared it as requested before carefully handing it to her.

She sat up and took a sip, sighing, content.

“This helps a lot.”

“I’m glad.” he kissed her forehead. “Are you sure you don’t want me to pick up more saltines?”

“Go back to work. I’ll be fine here.”

“Okay… but call me if you need _anything_.”

“Phone’s on,” she assured him. “I’m probably just gonna take a nap. I’m exhausted.”

“Alright well… V’s going to some work event later and I’ll be on tonight, so we’ll probably both be back around midnight. Unless you need me to come back—”

“Oh my god, Lin, _go back to rehearsal_.”

Lin smirked, picking up his bag and heading out of the apartment.

-

On her own, the silence was deafening. She could feel the fatigue overwhelming her, but sleep was far off. On paper, she had almost every symptom of early pregnancy. She never really had consistent periods, didn’t she need that to get pregnant?

No. No _way_. She couldn’t be pregnant because she was a virgin. Virgins didn’t get pregnant. Well, except for that one tv show, but that was fake and didn't count.

 _The test I took must’ve been defective_ she assured herself. _If I took another test, there’s no way it would come up positive._

That reassurance, however, did not help her get to sleep any faster.

She threw the blanket off.

“Fucking _fine_.” she groaned and took a large swig of tea from the mug before picking up her messenger bag and heading out.

The nearest pharmacy was five blocks away, a small business on the corner. She headed in, gravitating toward the refrigerated aisle. She grabbed a large can of Arizona tea—only a dollar, respectively—and left in search of her other purchase.

There they were, at eye level between the tampons and the condoms—pregnancy tests. She examined them carefully, reading each label and what special feature they boasted. 

She could feel her heart pounding, her palms sweaty.

 _This is ridiculous_ she thought to herself. _I’m_ not _pregnant_.

One box, in particular, caught her eye, a test boasting its ability to show how far along you were. It came in a pack of two, which she grabbed and headed to the register.

Behind the counter, the foreign older gentleman glared at her as she approached with her items.

“You’re too young to buy this.” His thick accent intruded her overwhelming thoughts.

“There’s no age limit on buying pregnancy tests.” she shot back.

“A young body like yours is too valuable to carry a child.” he insisted. “You could do much better with it elsewhere.”

“Do you want my money or not you fucking pervert?” A wad of cash in hand, Alexa glared at the man behind the counter as he placed her items in a small black plastic bag.

“Twenty-four fifty,” he announced, taking the twenty-five dollars she handed him. He passed two quarters back, watching her carefully as she left the store.

Before heading down the street, she pulled her phone out of the pocket of her skirt—her uniform still on from her time at school—opening Spotify. A quick typed search for _In the Heights_ brought up the album of Lin’s first broadway show, a production she’d virtually never heard of. Cautiously, she tapped the first song, placed her headphones over her ears, and took the slow route home, open Arizona can in hand.

The song was still playing as she got home, tossing the now empty can in the trash. She made her way to the bathroom, the box burning a hole into her palm

She tossed the instructions aside for later, sitting on the toilet seat and carefully positioning the test between her legs.

Once it was over, she recapped the test placing it flat on the counter. It was a three-minute wait.

_I’m not pregnant. I’m not pregnant. I’m not pregnant. I command myself not to be pregnant._

The test flashed a result on its screen, a tiny display that read

**Pregnant**

**2+**

Alexa dropped the test, her heart pounding. This couldn’t be real. It had to be some kind of dream.

She grabbed the instructions, skimming them again, desperately seeking answers.

Under her result read a paragraph about conception, how the result had concluded that she conceived three or more weeks prior.

“What the _fuck_ ,” she managed, trying not to hyperventilate. She pulled her phone out, stopping the music and pulling up her calendar in the hope that a date would jog her memory of something. Perhaps an artificial insemination that she’d agreed to in an exhausted state—being a surrogate mother was a well-paying gig nowadays.

She scrolled back to two weeks prior. Nothing. Three weeks. Nothing.

“This makes no sense,” she said aloud. “There is no way I could possibly be pregnant. I’ve never had se—.”

There it was, a Thursday four weeks back. There was an event marked on her calendar entitled:

_Party tonight at CP!_

Memories flashed through her mind of the following day, where she was offered a Plan B pill at the hospital, took it, left to shower, and promptly got sick only minutes later giving it virtually no chance to enter her system.

She could feel the breath leave her lungs all at once, her mind going numb.

She had never considered this.

It wasn’t something one considered after having been through what she had.

She dropped her phone—or rather, it fell out of her hands—landing on the tiled bathroom floor. She put the test into the garbage can, covering it with the other items to keep it out of sight.

Her instincts brought her to the kitchen, where she easily bypassed the child lock on the liquor cabinet. She pulled out an unopened bottle of whiskey, an unopened bottle of vodka, and dug through the freezer for a tequila bottle stashed away.

The three bottles in front of her on the counter, she debated which one would be the easiest to chug. She opted for the vodka, popping the cap and downing the bitter liquid. She hesitated for a moment, the burn in the back of her throat causing her to cough, but continued anyway. It would be unpleasant, sure, but it was the easiest thing she could think of to get rid of the thing that was supposedly growing inside of her. Within minutes, the bottle was empty.

The other two bottles stared back at her, making her feel self-conscious. She left the kitchen, pacing the length of the entire house before returning to the same two bottles. Her hand reached for the empty vodka bottle, holding it for a moment before smashing it against the granite countertop. It shattered, leaving glass everywhere and cutting her palm open.

“Fuck,” she winced, clutching the palm to her chest. The blood quickly spread to her white polo, a fact that she didn’t seem to notice as she reached for the whiskey.

Twisting the cap open, she felt nothing as the bottle reached her lips, swallowing as fast as she could. The whiskey was stronger, more demanding. She could feel her throat screaming for a break, but she pressed on until the bottle was empty. The dangers of her decisions were far from her mind as she dropped the whiskey bottle on the tile floor. It didn’t shatter like she hoped it would.

She could feel the alcohol coursing through her as she paced the house again, her hand leaving a trail of blood as she walked.

Returning to the counter, the last bottle sat, waiting for her. She pulled the cork out, taking a swig.

It came then suddenly, like a truck hitting a brick wall. The effects of her binge drinking arrived hard and fast, knocking her down. She managed to pull the tequila off of the counter with her, the glass shattering on the floor beside her as she lay, numb.

-

“Do you think she’s allergic to something?”

Lin shook his head. “That can’t be it because she didn’t eat anything this morning.”

Vanessa held her sleeping son close, waiting for Lin to pull out his keys to open their front door. They were greeted by an empty couch, a surprise to both of them. Lin glanced at his watch.

“It’s after midnight. She’s probably asleep.” he concluded.

“I’m gonna put Sebastian to bed,” she whispered, starting toward the hallway. As she passed the kitchen, however, she paused, speechless, staring at the ground.

“What’s up, V?” he moved to her side, curious as to what she was so preoccupied with. His jaw nearly hit the ground at the sight of the kitchen floor.

Alexa was there, unconscious, broken glass and spots of blood surrounding her. Her hand was obviously impaled, a large puddle of blood surrounding it.

“Holy _shit_.”


End file.
